Hi friends. Remember me? Forgive me for disappearing. It has been ten days since my last post…
I’ve had a lot going on while at the same time I’ve not had enough going on. Explain that? I don’t think I can. The best I can do is to sum things up like this: I lack purpose. I’m not happy with huge parts of my life, but what I’m not happy with is impossible to change so I need to learn to be happy with how things are. And I need to find something to give me a reason to be. This is what I’ve been trying to do. It’s not working.
I’m supposed to be trying the journal thing I mentioned a little while ago. I don’t know why I can’t seem to remember to do it. I can’t seem to remember a lot of things.
Often, at night, I come up with things to do the next day. I even write them down. But somehow, the next day, I pass right by that list… I don’t even notice it’s there… right beside my bed. Or… I do notice it… and I read it… and I am completely uninterested in anything on it. Yet night comes and they all seem like great ideas again. What the hell?
Always on that list is writing. But that’s (obviously) not happening.
I’m dying for inspiration. Dying. Everything in my life just feels… blah. Nothing is inspiring. It’s just… mundane, boring crap… or upsetting, difficult crap. [And now that summer’s over, I don’t even have those summer escapes to Mom’s.]
What I really want (among other things) is to be excited about some sort of writing project. But it’s just not happening. I think it’s because my life feels empty and meaningless. So much so that I can’t find anything inside me at all.
Prompts rarely (never) work for me. [God, I hate that word… ‘prompt’. Why does it annoy me so?] I need something more. Then again, ‘more‘ may not help me either.
I just want something that I want to write so passionately that I can’t wait to find time to get to it. Something I want to be working on all the time. Why can’t I get excited about anything? God, I miss that.
©2018 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
You seem to have been peeking into my mind, my spirit. Sometimes I just get tired. Tired of thinking, doing, planning. But also losing track of my own presence in the now of all things.
But, mostly, I am reminded of a quote: “No matter what happens be gentle with yourself.”
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I’m glad you understand. I am definitely tired… of everything. I’m kind of overwhelmed by nothingness… which I’m sure makes no sense.
I have a lot of trouble being good to myself. I tend to blame myself for everything…
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When I get a severe case of “I don’t wanna” I chuck it all! Lol! Seriously, though. I just give myself permission to jump ship and do something totally different, or absolutely nothing at all. Meanwhile, I’m asking God to please inspire me to get back at it sooner rather than later. Eventually, being off ship, or living the sloth life, gets annoying and I can snap back at it. Sometimes it only lasts a day, sometimes longer. And that recurs way too often. But, avoidant escapism is the name of my temporary game. Lol Hope you figure out your blah source soon and may you discover your passionate topic quickly. I can’t wait to read what strikes your passionate heart next!
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Severe boredom and doing nothing is kind of where I am right now — not by choice. Doing nothing makes me feel worse. But nothing motivates me so… the nothingness is all I have. This–not being able to write– has been going on for a long time. Like, at least a year. Nothing seems to help me. I fear that I’m just done… and will never be able to write again. I’m pretty sure I know what’s making me feel like this but I can’t fix it so I’m stuck…
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Then I’d forget writing for now. Tell yourself you absolutely cannot write anything for your blog for a week, or what ever arbitrary time frame you want. Ground yourself from all thing blog related. If you’re like me, I’ll enjoy it, but will start itching to do that thing I think I should not do. Hold out as long as you can. I know the “job” mentality kills my creativity every time. I cannot force writing. It has to flow. It cannot flow from a forced job mentality to I have to ground myself to break that habit. Ok. I’m rambling, so I’ll stop. But, hopefully there’s something in there that helps.
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I don’t think that will work for me… mostly because I’ve tried. I’ve taken time off. In fact, this post is the first in well over a week. But I’ve separated myself from it before. I don’t seem to get that itch to get back to it. That’s why I tend to think that I’m just not going to be able to write anymore. It’s not that I feel like writing here is a job. I used to love it… it was the opposite of a job! But now, I’m just empty. I agree that it rarely works to force writing. But nothing it’s just flowing… and it hasn’t been for a very long time… 🙁
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Well, shoot. Hopefully you can get your groove back sooner rather than later. I just found you and I’m already looking forward to your passionate return. 🤔😁
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Thanks… I hope things change…!
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Me too! You could always simply write about the emptiness you feel. Don’t be “inspired” to write. Just write what you’re feeling. Write about the empty dry season you’re going through or the darkness you may feel, even if its short posts and not as frequent. I’m new to your blog… But… You obviously have a lot of followers that care about you and will stick with you through your struggle. Hang in there; its visible you are so very loved.
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Thanks again. I think I worry about writing about the emptiness because it seems to be all I write about now… for too long. I never wanted to do that–to post about it so much. I don’t know. I think I’m also afraid of losing people…
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Meh. Your blog is yours after all. Followers will come and go. Yet you will be the eternal constant. Ultimately, you are what your true followers are after anyway. So, let yourself out. Blog about whatever it is that’s currently going on with your bad self. 😉
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I know… you’re right. I shouldn’t worry so much about making everyone happy. I should just do my thing…
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Yep. (From the person over here that worries too much about making everyone happy. I’m also working on “just doing my thing”.😜) Ultimately, I still believe that true friends, or followers, will still be here when all our yuck shows up.
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That doesn’t seem to be the case offline… so I’d hate to drive away everyone here, too. That’s what I worry about. Well, that and trying to make everyone happy.
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I totally understand.
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It will come in time! Give it time! Your just going through a bit of a set back right now! It will happen! Have faith! xox
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Oh, but it’s been at least a year. I’ve given it so much time but nothing is changing. I truly feel like I’m never going to write again.it’s killing me. There’s just nothing inside me. But thank you so much for the encouragement.
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I hope you will write again, I will pray that you will and keep my fingers crossed for you X
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Thank you so much.
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Your last sentence is the most profound thing I have heard you say 😊 keep searching! JV
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Thanks… 🙂
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I want to find the same inspiration for writing! Something that I just have to write about. But I’ve also lost that sparkle right now. And I can’t see it coming back quickly. I’m making a big change this weekend and that’s going to kill what little motivation I have left to write
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But at least you’ve been posting. At least you’re life isn’t empty and you have things to write about. I just seem to have… nothing. This has be going on for so long. I hate it.
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What I really want to write about, I can’t. And that kind of sucks because I used to have my blog as a place where I could talk about everything that was bothering me and I can’t do that right now. Not 100% anyways. And it really sucks to the point where I don’t want to post cos I just want to post about one thing to get it all out and get some clarity but that’s impossible. So I sit here and feel suffocated. Part of me wants to make a new blog just for this one thing lol
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I am willing to write about absolutely anything but I still can’t do it. Something is seriously wrong with me!
I can’t imagine what it is that you feel you can’t post about… usually you post all sorts of things!
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Yeah I know. I usually put everything up but this I just can’t.
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🙁
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I’m convinced it’s in there…somewhere. I remember when I first started following you. You posted stuff nearly daily. And it was good. Where’d it go? I have no idea. Inspiration is fickle. But I still believe you have it. You’re a good writer. That doesn’t just go away. Does it? 🤔
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I think it’s gone. It’s been, like, a year. I’ve tried to get it back. I’ve tried forgetting about it to see if it comes back on its own. I’ve tried reading, drawing, doodling, taking pictures, writing stories, writing poetry, writing about nothing. I’ve tried it all… yet here I am. I know it’s because my life is so empty and joyless that I have nothing inside me to express. I guess that’s what needs to change (my whole stupid life) but I can’t change that either. I was good… at one time. I go back and read my old stuff and I am kind of impressed with myself. But it’s gone. I am completely uninspired… for everything, not just writing. I just can’t find a purpose… or any reason to be here at all. Like, I mean ‘here’ as in this world… not just this blog.
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Write angry then. Anger can be a terrific motivator. Or are you past that point?
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I don’t know… maybe I am past that. I don’t feel a lot of anger. I feel sad. I mean, I’m always angry with myself but that’s just an underlying thing. I think I don’t even have the energy to be angry. I’m just this sad, passive waste of space. I guess maybe I don’t see the point to being angry… I can’t envision it changing anything…
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Anger can be a great motivator…even when you’re just mad at yourself.
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Well… I don’t think it’s working for me. I’m certainly not motivated no matter how much I hate myself…
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You’re one tough but to crack. Don’t make me break out my ultra-positive nonsense!!! 😈
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I don’t mean to be difficult. I’m not trying to be. I’m just frustrated because nothing is working for me. Also, I’m sure you meant “nut” up there… not “but”. I laughed, though… 🙂
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Hahaha! Well, as Bob Ross would say, there are no mistakes, just happy accidents. 😏
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Bob Ross… jeez you’re old! 😃 (Of course, I know who he is so I am, too… 😐)
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Hahaha! I’m about to be older.
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Oh really? Birthday coming up? My daughter’s is coming but not too soon… it’s 11/6. (Coincidentally, mine is the reverse… 6/11.)
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Hahaha! That’s pretty wild. My oldest had a due date that was my birth date, but he came 11 days early. Mine is late November.
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My oldest sister (the one who doesn’t speak to me) has the same birthday as my dad.
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It’s wild when that happens. After the Doc did her calculations with the calendar wheel, and came up with the date, she said, “Don’t get your hopes up, Dad. It’s about a 2% chance that due date and delivery date are the same.” 😏
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Ha! That was supposed to say “tough nut” not “tough but”. Damn autocorrect. 😒
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Oh… I see you already caught that. lol
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A tough but to crack should see a doctor immediately. 😃
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Eww! 😃
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My luck, I’d have to see them for therapy afterwards too. 😏
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What if you just worked on rewriting some of your older material? Take a story and give it an alternate ending, something like that? Just to get your creativity flowing again. Then it wouldn’t be a massive undertaking, you’d have the bones of the story already written. You will get back in the zone, I’m sure of it.
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I actually recently tried this, kind of. Mostly I just sat there and started at the words that were already there and nothing else came to me. I should try again. I really do believe that this is all because my life is empty. If there’s nothing inside me, how can I write anything? I don’t really have a life so I have nothing to draw from. My whole existence is kind of a joke.
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That’s not true. We create in order to make our world better. Pain and sadness have been the basis for so much of the world’s greatest art, literature and music. It’s how we cope. I truly believe that when you start writing again it will help you feel better. You just have to get over the hump. And maybe you’ll have to force yourself to write for a while, even if you hate what you write. It will break down the wall you’re up against right now. Your existence is not a joke. You’re smart, creative and talented. You’re just in a tough place. Don’t give up. You have it in you.
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Hi Sandra, it’s totally okay that you haven’t written in 10 days. We understand! I hope something exciting comes your way soon. ♡ Have you ever thought of adopting a kitten? 🙂
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I would kind of love a kitten but we can’t take on the expense of a pet right now. Cats aren’t too bad, but we can’t right now. My daughter would love it though!
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Aw. I’m sorry, I know what you mean. ❤
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I get it. And I know others do too.
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Thanks… you’re always so sweet.
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I hear you–I’ve been in a bit of a writing slump too. A friend suggested that we both use the same prompt and try to write something then share what we’ve done. I might take him up on it. Or I might watch Netflix…
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I understand that. I was going to try writing last night but I watched a movie instead. I think because I knew I’d just get frustrated if I tried to write. I don’t know why I always have so much trouble with prompts. They never seem to inspire me… so they don’t help. I hate that!
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Hey Sandra, I still think you should turn your early fiction series into an ebook. Honestly, I loved them and I think they’d be awesome revamped. Food for thought. ❤️🙂
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You’re always so supportive and encouraging. I need to get some courage… and motivation. I’m not sure how to do that. Maybe I will start with more coffee. 🙂 Seriously, though… thank you. ♥
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Hahaha, I was just thinking about a coffee! Great minds think alike. But seriously, you have the courage, so kick those self doubts in the arse. xx 🙂
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Oh, I don’t feel very courageous… but thank you… 🙂
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Neither do I. That’s when we fake it. 😏 xx
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I’m going to have to work on that, too… 🙂
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Yep. Definitely. Fake it till you make it. 😏
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