inspirationless.

Now I’m just making up words.

I have written ten posts in the last week that remain in draft status. [Not to mention all the older drafts.] I don’t know what my problem is. I’m probably overthinking as usual.

Five of the posts are just stupid and will likely never be published.

Two of the posts are kind of depressing so I walked away from them, so to speak.

Two of the posts are two versions of the same topic… and it’s rather controversial. I don’t want to fight, but I’m frustrated and annoyed… so I started writing about it. I came to the conclusion, however, that I was sure to offend someone… so I stopped. But expressing my thoughts shouldn’t be offensive. I’m not telling anyone what to think… I’m only telling them what sandra thinks. Isn’t that the name of my blog anyway? Maybe I will revisit. Not sure.

One of the posts is this one.

My inspiration struggle continues. Not just with writing. Inspiration is missing from my life completely. And it took motivation with it. Don’t you wish you were me? Yeah, me neither.

I have been wavering back and forth with whether I even want to be here at all. I know I’ve mentioned that kind of a lot lately. I really am torn. Sometimes, I think it makes me feel good to be here because I have friends. Other times, I think it makes me feel bad because I feel left out. But… I’ve decided that I don’t have to decide… I can just do whatever the fuck I want. It may be the only part of my life for which that is a true statement.

divider dots.

Moving on…

Since I have nothing great to share, I’ve decided (I hate deciding) to share this.

I love sudden downpours. The literal kind. I can’t explain that… I just do. So… while these are far from inspired, I’m still sharing them.

yesterday, 3:51 pm…

yesterday, 3:52 pm…

Not quite the same exact shot… but close. Probably would have been closer if I’d planned ahead… but I didn’t.

Hope you are all having a nice day.

 

©2018 what sandra thinks

         

Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in life, photography, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to inspirationless.

  1. I love it! Rain isn’t easy to convey on film. I still wish you’d explore this medium for a bit. I believe it could lead to inspiration elsewhere. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Juli Hoffman says:

    I enjoy reading your blog. In my opinion, I think you’re worrying too much. I’ve had posts that I put NO effort into…that received tons of feedback. I’ve had posts that I poured my soul into…and *crickets.* It’s also summertime for half the hemisphere. I don’t think people blog/read as much in the summer. Unless it’s SUPER hot out and they’re stuck indoors! LOL

    I started blogging regularly again because I wanted to get back into novel writing. The problem was I stepped away from ANY writing for too long and that stagnated my creativity. I needed a place to write horribly, to get the words out, to practice allowing others to SEE my writing again. This helped me to stop feeling SOO precious about my words. I struggle so much with perfectionism. Sometimes you need to “vomit” the words on the page. Just get them out there! If you want to edit your “word vomit,” go ahead. Or not. Sometimes that’s all it is: “word vomit.” Stick it in a draft folder and visit it later. Or not.

    I just checked my blog. I have gone to my blog page and wrote a post for 55 days in a row. I have never done this before. I’ve never worked on ANYTHING for 55 days in a row. I wrote when I was happy. I wrote when I didn’t want to write. I have NEVER expected anyone to read ALL of those posts, and of course, they haven’t! LOL It’s not really about this mysterious “them.” I wrote for me. I wrote because I’m SOOO frustrated with all the hurt and pain in the news, stuff that I can’t “fix.” I wrote daily because it forced me to DO something each day so I’d have something to write about. I learned to write…even if I DIDN’T have anything to write about. That’s a TOUGH lesson, one I’m still learning.

    Anyway, it’s given me the confidence to novel-write, again. I’ve been novel writing every day, even if it’s just a few minutes, for the past three weeks. The blogging gave me the confidence to allow my family members to read my chapters. That was a HUGE step for me.

    If you need to take a break…then do that! Do what you need to do to take care of you. I’ve been systematically trying to break down my goals, like a puzzle, trying to learn the skills I need to piece my life together. My life is different than yours so my steps will be different, too. Baby Steps! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am sure I’m worrying too much. I do it all the time. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t worry too much!

      I know what you mean about some unexpected posts getting far more attention than those you put so much of yourself into. That has happened to me, too. It seems that the harder I try, the less ‘return on investment’ I get.

      People tell me I’m a writer but I don’t know that I agree. A writer can write. I can’t. I could… at one point. Maybe I will again… but I’ve lost something. I go back and read things I wrote months… years ago… and I’m amazed that I was ‘good’ at one point. My messed up life took that from me, I think.

      I have this boredom thing that’s been killing me for a long time. I need to do something… then maybe I could write. Just like you said. But I can’t seem to get myself to do much of anything. I think I also have a problem because I have no ultimate goal. I used to think I did but I don’t. Not with writing… with this blog… with my life. I used to think my goal was to write a book but I don’t have it in me. I can’t write anymore and even when I did, it wasn’t enough… or good enough. And I don’t have the motivation nor the courage to actually pursue getting published. The more I hear about what people go through, the more I know I can never do it.

      I think I’m caught up in “them”… I am trying to write for an audience… but I don’t know what they want… or I think I do but I can’t give it to them. I’m sure this is the wrong attitude, but I think part of me feels like if no one’s reading, why am I writing? For myself… I guess. But lately, I’m really not writing for me.

      I have yet to find anything that gives me confidence to do things. But I did try to get my husband to read my writing way back. He wasn’t interested. I never asked anyone else offline.

      Oh… and the news really really brings me down.

      Thanks for taking the time to ‘talk’ to me. I appreciate you sharing all of this with me. 🙂

      (This comment could maybe turn into a post of its own…!)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Juli Hoffman says:

        Thank you for “talking” with me!

        It’s hard. No matter what anyone says, all of this: raising a family, setting goals, figuring stuff out…it’s HARD!

        I heard this great quote by Lauren Graham in her book: Talking as Fast as I Can. (She played the mom in Gilmore Girls.) I don’t remember the exact quote. (Sigh!) Anyway, Lauren was saying how we need to be kind to ourselves and more forgiving of ourselves. And then she used Oprah Winfrey as an example.

        Lauren listed Oprah’s MANY accomplishment: creating a school in Africa, rubbing elbows with every celebrity and every head of state, blah, blah, blah, plus she’s worth MILLIONS of dollars… And yet, there are tons of issues that she has publicly says that SHE is working on, like her weight, etc. Oprah has a staff of people who cook, clean, shop, work out with, etc, etc, and yet SHE still struggles. The woman has EVERY available resource at her disposal and more money than she could ever spend…and she struggles.

        The point is, if it’s an issue that Oprah is STILL struggling with, maybe we can all cut ourselves a little slack and not worry so much, and just “chillax” a little. 😀

        (And also, this could be turned into a post of its own, too! LOL)

        Liked by 2 people

        • I love Lauren Graham. I understand what you’re saying with the Oprah example. It’s a good point… and I definitely don’t give myself a break… like, ever. Lately, I feel worse than ever with my worries and concerns and failures. Things seem to be getting worse instead of better. I have no idea how to reverse that.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Have I posted anything this week? Or last week? I don’t think so, but maybe I have …. I’m really not sure. There are a few inane comments from me here and there (like this one) I think. But that’s about it.
    Is there some sort of rule about regular posting? Or about regular inspiration?
    I set myself a target some years back to write one really good sentence a year. It was an unrealistic goal, as it turns out. Though I keep trying.
    And I have learned not to chastise myself when it doesn’t happen.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Your comments are not inane. I always enjoy what you have to say… you always manage to express yourself in an entertaining way. It’s a gift, I think.

      I know I don’t have any rules to follow… other than the imaginary ones in my head. But even those don’t need to be followed. I don’t know why I can’t let them go…

      Like

  4. And read all the above, Sandra. We value you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Meg says:

    I love Juli’s comment. I’ve experienced the same lull in creativity over the past year, too. And we already talked about how things changed here in our online world around the same time. However, the people in the know say that having a blog/website/social media presence is absolutely essential for aspiring writers and so I keep going. And I guess we have to remember it’s not an overnight process, it takes time. I still think you have a novel in you, Sandra. And I know you have written a lot of words that you could revise into that novel. The right eyes need to read it because I am positive it will be good!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hunida says:

    Love the photos ♡

    Liked by 1 person

  7. alexraphael says:

    Always so honest. Like the photos too.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Chandra Lynn says:

    Once again, I love these pics. Express yourself without apology. Freely share your photos as well as random, imperfect thoughts. This is your blog and “what sandra thinks.”

    Liked by 1 person

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.