Out of mind?
I miss having friends.
I miss being part of something.
I miss writing.
I miss good moods and good days.
I miss ideas and inspiration.
I miss drive and purpose.
I miss being loved.
I miss when I mattered.
I miss being special… to anyone.
I miss hope.
I miss everything I wish I had.
I miss things I once had.
I miss things I’ll never have.
•
I feel more alone… more abandoned… than ever. Maybe I brought it on myself. Maybe no one cares because I don’t care. But that can’t be right. If I truly didn’t care, I wouldn’t be writing this. Probably.
©2018 what sandra thinks
That’s exactly right! This is wonderful! You’re a gifted writer! Don’t abandon yourself. Find yourself and keep doing this. You’re Magical! Charming! 😉
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I wish I were those things. But I think it’s too late for me. There’s nothing left. I’ve been torn down by everything in my life. I don’t think I can get up again… 🙁
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Sigh…
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Sorry. I guess this is why I’m alone.
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You’re not alone silly! It just feels like that for you!
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Maybe… I don’t know…
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I know! You’re not alone!
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There’s nothing there that can’t be got again. A beautiful day and a beautiful young lady outside smiling at everyone could be the start of new friendships and friendship can often lead to love. If you don’t give up, the world won’t either. Keep writing.
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
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I hope you’re right. I really need something because every day, it gets harder not to give up. Thanks for the hugs… ♥
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Believe me, we miss you too. I miss you making me laugh, your smartassishness, your writing. Please don’t give up on yourself. I know things seem like like shit now. I get it. But do not give up! You know where to find me if you need an ear. 😕
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I like that you made up a word. Unless ‘smartassishness’ is in the dictionary now. I guess it could be… what do I know?
What I really don’t understand is why I have that unbearable, indescribable feeling every morning… it’s so bad that I cannot figure out how I can go on a moment longer. Distractions don’t help… nothing helps. And then… later on in the day, it’s better (not good… not great… but better)… for no reason. I don’t get that. But the mornings… it is SO bad. I can’t even explain it.
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Do you sleep? I mean, well? Or is it fits and starts, restless kinda sleep?
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I sleep… and I could keep sleeping. Knowing how bad the mornings are, I never want to get up. But staying in bed too late doesn’t make me feel good either.
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Not sure about you, but staying in bed too long makes me feel worse. And, by the way, I like my word creations. 😜
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Yes, exactly. As much as I wish I could sleep forever, I feel like shit when I’ve been in bed too long. (Unless it’s in bed for non-sleep reasons… but that’s a non-issue right now…) When the kids were in school, there were days I felt so awful that I would go back to bed after dropping them off so I could make the day disappear. But when I got up, I felt just as bad… or worse.
There’s just no solution to my morning problem. I could cry for 3 or 4 (or more) hours every day… no exaggeration. But I can’t let the kids see that…
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I so hope you find some peace, some confidence, some mojo, some good fortune, or all of the above. I really do. 😕
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I wish I still had hope. At this point, I live for my children… for my family. Not really for me.
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You are seriously bumming me out. I hate hearing shit like that. 😒
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I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you sad. 😕 You should feel good about being such a good friend to me. ♥
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Hmmm. If I were that good a friend, I’d be able to help in some way. 😕
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That’s not true. Even professionals can’t help me…
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Hmph😤
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Are you smoking? Sorry… Bad joke…
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Maybe…..
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Everything is connected, my friend. It takes only to change one thing and the dominoes will start to fall. The worst thing is to look and consider everything. It can be overwhelming, I know it can be for me. In the months leading up to my surgery, I couldn’t play guitar or bass because of the pain. That created a huge hole in my life. Then, surrounded by pain and having little joy, I was totally depressed. Once the pain was alleviated via surgery, then life and all that it had to offer were before me once again. I know that I’m beating this drum a lot to you, but it’s from one sufferer to another – there’s hope. ❤
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♥ You’re right… looking at everything at once is killing me. It is overwhelming. Everything feels impossible. I feel like there are a lot of things I can’t do… not only because of physical pain but because of the emotional pain, too. Right now, I’m waiting to see if my insurance approves one other thing the doc wants to try. If that doesn’t help, I’m going to have to figure out where to go next. But I won’t lie — even though this makes me seem really weak — I am tired of having to work so hard for no reward. I just want something to be easy.
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Please don’t give up. It isn’t too late for things to change. So many people find new paths in life in the second half of life. It’s just hard to see the possibilities when you are going through so much pain. You are smart and talented and have so much to offer so please just keep trying to put a foot forward and know that we all love and support you! ❤️
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Thanks ♥ I am having trouble doing anything. It’s so bad… especially in the morning. I don’t know how to overcome anything… it all feels hopeless… and it scares me. I feel defeated. I have tried to get the help I need but nothing ever works. I don’t know if I can keep trying. It’s just too much…
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So sorry.
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*hug*
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Sending lots of hug your way. I feel the same… All of my friends have grown up and moved…a dn I’m stuck in the working at home by myself.
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I wish I had a “working from home” situation. That would help me out. But yes, I understand… no one around anymore… lost touch with everyone. Nothing left… 😦
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Powerful write full of painful emotions. I truly hope things get better for you. You deserve it.
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Thank you…
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Okay, fine, you’ve forced my hand. We can be sister wives when I eventually marry Chris Hemsworth. So now you have that to look forward to. 😉
(I’m sorry that I don’t have anything poignant to say 😔)
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It’s okay… this is good. Anything that gives me a smile and thoughts of CH is good. ♥
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Took the words right out of my mouth. I am alone.
“We live as we dream, alone.”
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Alone isn’t always bad… but lately, for me, it is.
I’ll be your friend if you need one…
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It’s bad right now. And like you say it feels like it is too late
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I understand.
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I care. Just been consumed with month end work shit. Miss you!
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Miss you, too. ♥
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I am so terribly sorry for how you are feeling about yourself. You are obviously cared for… I mean, look how many people are here rooting for you. We obviously care about you. 🙂
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Thank you… 🙂 I wish I could just get rid of the horrible bored/sad feelings that insist on taking over every morning… its terrible…
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What meds are you on? (If you don’t mind me asking?) They may need to be tweaked.
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Been there… done that a million times. I think I’m kind of stuck unless my external circumstances change…
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Well, here’s another question… About what age range are you in? It could be menopause that is f’ing with you. My depression was a 1000 x’s worse when I was going through the “Change” – I was a complete disaster.
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I’m not there. But I don’t look forward to it!
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Some women go through it others don’t. My mother skipped right past it, and I got hit by a boulder of depression. Mine started when I was 43, and just ended a year ago. I’m 52 now.
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This is beautiful! I am a big believer that even the darkest parts of life is art. And you have done such an amazing job at capturing what it means to feel alone. I share these same feelings. I often find myself missing things I think I should have, and struggle trying to find reasons to wake up and go throughout the day. Just don’t get discouraged! Having bad days and sad moods is all apart of the magic of life. It’s apart of being human! And every day you feel those hurts, it is a reminder that you are still capable of feeling. And it is such a blessing to have a tender heart!! Hang in there! I know you are loved. I know you are definitely apart of something– using words to shed light on what it is like to live with depression. Anyway, sorry for the book!! I’ve just recently started blogging, and it makes me so happy to find someone who writes about similar things. ❤
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Hi Melissa. I certainly don’t mind long comments! I’m glad that you connected to what I wrote. I’m definitely frustrated lately with how I’ve been feeling. Nothing I do seems to help me feel better. It’s scary. But I’m glad you wrote this comment. I’m always glad to know someone understands… ♥
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You have so many caring followers here on WP that leave such nice, uplifting comments. I hope and pray that the light shines again for you soon because based on these responses and your writing I see that you are a special person who deserves happiness.
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Thank you. That doesn’t seem like enough… I wish I knew what to say. You’re so sweet to say these things to me. Thank you so much. ♥
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I’m leaving this on here.
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