happiness.

Posted on 13 June 2018 by what sandra thinks

happiness. [1]

I want it so much it hurts.

It’s not something I can create.

Everyone doesn’t get to have it.

It’s there or it’s not there.

For me… it’s not.

happiness. [2]

It’s out of my reach.

Sometimes I get a shred of it… then it’s taken away.

The world is out of balance if I feel good.

Course correction brings it back to bad.

I fight but I fail.

I’m too tired and disheartened to bother anymore.

—

©2018 what sandra thinks

         

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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39 Responses to happiness.

  1. In A Messy World says:
    13 June 2018 at 11:48 am

    Whenever I hear people say happiness is something you create, I just think, “Wow…you really don’t get it. You probably won’t ever get it.”
    This resonates so much with me. Beautiful words. Love the way you write. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • what sandra thinks says:
      13 June 2018 at 11:55 am

      Thank you so much. ♥ I have never understood when people say “create your own happiness” either. How, exactly, would someone do that? People who say that are already happy. They don’t have to create anything. So they don’t get it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. gigglingfattie says:
    13 June 2018 at 11:50 am

    I wish WordPress had an “I understand” button not just a like button. I’m sorry you are feeling this way!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. wordslikebreath says:
    13 June 2018 at 12:07 pm

    That is just so spot on! You fully captured the feeling of futility.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Meg says:
    13 June 2018 at 12:30 pm

    I agree on the ‘create your own happiness’ stuff – there’s only so much you can do and the rest is a crap shoot. I wish for you that one day the ‘balance’ will be when the pendulum has swung to one of your days when you feel good. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • what sandra thinks says:
      13 June 2018 at 12:52 pm

      I don’t think I’m going to have any more good days. It is killing me. I honestly don’t know how to bother doing much of anything anymore. Everything goes wrong. I do the right things… as much as I can, and nothing improves… nothing works out. People tell me to keep fighting, but what’s the point? I keep getting the same results. I’m tired of spending every day wondering why I’m even here. For the kids… my mom… for other people. That’s it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. Ogden Fahey says:
    13 June 2018 at 1:34 pm

    Have you tried singing wartime marching songs? Pack up your troubles is a good one, I see it was sung by both Brits and Germans in WW1 – isn’t that marvellous? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • what sandra thinks says:
      13 June 2018 at 1:39 pm

      I do not know how to respond to this comment. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Ogden Fahey says:
        13 June 2018 at 1:56 pm

        Well it was what sprung to mind! Do you know the song? Its pretty stupid, but I find my mind replies to negative with positive, this is of course an extreme example, and may seem out of place, its always been pretty typical for people to respond that way, ie suggest “why not” this or that? cheer up etc?

        Perhaps it’ll turn out to be a phase thats just going to go on and on, like for ages, and then finally things will change? I have seen that happen, I’m in my 50s now, so I seen quite a bit. Not everyone who is down stays down forever – I know its hard to see the light of it, but its gotta be there somewhere surely things have to improve sooner or later, bit by bit, or even suddenly and massively, you never know whats around the corner – hopefully something good! Xx

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • what sandra thinks says:
          13 June 2018 at 2:11 pm

          I don’t know the song… but I understand where you’re coming from.

          I don’t know if this is a phase but it’s been going on for a ridiculously long time. I don’t know that any change for the better will ever come. I don’t see the light. Not anymore. That worries me. I used to think “this can’t last forever… something has to get better” but I don’t believe that anymore. I don’t know how to get that hope back. It feels impossible… 😦

          But thank you for what you said… it means something to me that anyone thinks I won’t feel this way forever…

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  6. waywardsparkles says:
    13 June 2018 at 3:57 pm

    Lots and lots of hugs
    Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. angelicaempleo says:
    13 June 2018 at 8:04 pm

    like i want him but i can’t have him

    Like

    Reply

  10. Pingback: reverse schadenfreude. | what sandra thinks

  11. Lennon Carlyle says:
    23 June 2018 at 9:34 am

    I wish with all that I have you could be happy. I really do. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  12. Alaysha says:
    24 July 2018 at 1:23 pm

    I hope you don’t just get a shred of happiness but the whole of it. 🙂
    Lovely post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  13. simplywendi says:
    10 August 2018 at 5:09 pm

    wow……..this is so very very good.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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