(not my actual girl)
Last night, my daughter called me to her room where she had been crying for at least an hour. I sat with her and she told me what was going on.
There is so much friend drama. And it goes back and forth and continues tonight.
One of her friends was mad at her… no idea why. She couldn’t get an answer. This is a girl (C) who calls my kid all the time. They are on the phone constantly… even in the mornings before school. My daughter has slept over at C’s house for, like, five of the last six Fridays.
C ignored my girl at school yesterday… and didn’t call at all. This morning… back to calling again… today at school, no problem. She told my kid that she couldn’t have anyone over today. Tonight, god knows what happened on the phone with calls and group chats and whatever the hell 10 year olds do… but my daughter is certain that at least one girl is sleeping over at C’s house. Maybe even two… the second one possibly being a girl who was just talking to my daughter earlier about what a jerk C has been lately.
My daughter said, ‘I guess I wasn’t mean to have friends.‘ And she cried. She’s upset and angry and sad and annoyed… all of those things.
Both last night and again tonight, I sat with her… hugged her… listened to her talk and cry. I told her of course she has friends. I said everything will be okay… it will blow over. Of course, I really have no idea. I hope I wasn’t lying.
I know she’s my girl, but I’m not just being her mom when I say that she is the sweetest kid. She is so nice to everyone… even those she doesn’t like… even those who aren’t nice to her. I honestly cannot imagine what reason C (or anyone) could have to be mad at her. God, even though my own two kids fight, she is very sweet to her brother at least 90% of the time… even when he probably doesn’t deserve it! (Don’t get me wrong… he’s sweet, too, but he’s a 13 year old boy who often has a low tolerance for his 10 year old sister.)
Even with me… if my girl so much as senses that I am upset about something, she is right there with a smile and a hug. She always wants to help… to make people happy.
I’m sad for her. It breaks my heart. And there’s nothing I can do.
I can’t fix this for her. I know it’s not mine to fix, but seeing her so sad is killing me. I barely made it without crying myself. Man, I do not have the emotional capacity for motherhood. I never thought about situations like this one when I decided to have children.
She’s only 10. This is going to get worse when she’s, like, fifteen, isn’t it?
Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
©2018 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
Ok, I won’t answer that. 😐
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Seriously… I don’t know how she’s going to get through it… and I don’t know how I am either…
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Trust me, we Wonder The very same thing here. Somehow, it’ll work out. We hope. 😳
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You’re an awesome mother, you’re helping her a lot by listening to her and showing her that you’re there! Sad story I don’t know why kids can be so mean!
Good luck! ❤️
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Thanks… I just hate that I can’t make everyone be nice to each other!
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I totally get that, it’s not your role, C has parents and they should educate her better than this! You’re already doing a great one with your own kids!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Kids will be kids. As a person who was perpetually miserable as a kid, I think the fact that she feels comfortable enough to tell you makes the biggest difference. When I was younger this girl would tell me that I couldn’t hang out with her and her friends. I was relatively new and didn’t know anyone. It was upsetting, but I didn’t tell a single soul and I still struggle with feeling like people don’t want me around to this day. I also still don’t tell my parents anything, lol.
The fact that you listened to her and that she can talk to you tells me that you have the emotional capacity for motherhood. Don’t ever doubt that.
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Thanks… I just get worried when she cries and I can barely keep from crying, too. I don’t want her to stop telling me things to spare my feelings! That would be totally wrong! That’s why I feel like I’m too messed up to being a mom.
I remember things like this happening when I was a kid, too, but I didn’t have any answers then and I don’t now. It just sucks…
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My goodness friendship can be a powerkeg for people of all ages and for your young one it seems to be even more so. I hope she gets things sorted out for her hearts sake.
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I hope so, too… but it just seems like there are a lot of ups and downs and I’m not sure that’s going to change. Kids can be so mean!
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Girls are can so mean! Especially young girls! I had a group of “friends” like that when I was her age. By high school, I had transitioned to a whole new group was so much much happier
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I’m so tired of seeing her curl up in her bed and cry when some kid decides to be a bitch. I want to go yell at these kids… which, of course, I can’t do. I hate feeling helpless. And I hate that I almost start to cry when she cries. I’ll supposed to be the grown-up here!
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I feel the same way when the kidlets I nanny have problems with people they go to school with. Maybe not as intensely as you feel it because you’re her mother. I think all you can do is just be there for her like you have been and show her how much you love her. Girls start to be catty SO young now and it’s horrible. At 10 I was playing in the dirt not even thinking about being mean to other people.
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Yeah… It was not this bad when I was a kid. It’s partly due to technology, for sure.
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Oh for sure!! I even feel better communicating from behind a screen. I think most people do. It gives us confidence to say/do things we never would just because we can’t see the person receiving the consequences of our actions.
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I’m unqualified, but… Since my kids are about your age, I will say this. Keep your mom armor well sealed, oiled, and flexible. Your children need that and will still be your kids when they are your age and talking to you about their kids. Parenting is difficult when all goes well. Our kids get sick, are mistreated, and seem to find every bump in life. We feel their pain more than we feel our own. Keep on, vent here, and continue to love the way you do. It is worth it. I have no idea how to make it easy or perfect.
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Thank you so much. I know it’s not possible to make it easy or perfect… and it will go on forever… I will always be a mom. I do think I need to get past falling apart when she (or my son) is upset. That’s hard, too! And if you’re a parent, you are qualified!
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You’re an awesome mom, Sandra. My mom was never there for me the way you are for your daughter.
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Aww. I’m sorry. And thank you for saying that. I try my best for my kids… I wish I could fix everything but I know that’s just not the way it’s supposed to be… they have to learn, I suppose…
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Girls are mean. C is doing this to be mean. If your daughter wants to remain friend with this girl, it’s up to her. C might probably be very jealous of your daughter or her achievements, looks, girls can turn at he slightest thought, even if it’s incorrect. Your daughter if she’s brave could outright approach her and ask what her problem is.
However, C knows she is getting a reaction from your daughter. If you can take that away, and your girl can even pretend to ignore C at school, and hang out with other girls, C’s gong to stop being mean if her actions appear to make no difference to your daughter. If C tries to talk to her and aplogize and doesn’t mean it, she can say I don’t need friends I can’t depend on. If the apology is sincere, she needs to say if you treat me like that again, I’m not your friend. I know its tough being that age and social hierarchy be having trustable friends is hard. I was bullied in school too by similar girls. They are worse now, but if you can teach your daughter to stand up for herself and not put up with these games, that’s best. There is hope, it gets worse and better. Ignoring C’s behavior is best, even if she hurts and C has hurt her; don’t show it — that’s the best action in my opinion. Find friends with better hearts, even if they aren’t popular.
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And Hunida’s right you’re an excellent mother. These are tough issues.
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Preteen girls are notoriously mean. I feel so sorry for your daughter. My only advice is to get her involved in activities where she’ll meet other likeminded girls–then they’ll have actual things to talk about instead of each other. And yes, you really are an excellent mother.
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It just keeps getting worse. This morning she found out a few of them lied to her about not being available this weekend, but really, they were all together without her. I don’t know why. It’s not like she hasn’t always been included in the past. Some of these girls change who their ‘best friend’ is daily. One day you’re in… then you’re out. She’s still upset and it makes me really sad.
We can’t really afford to sign her up for anything else at the moment. She does seem to make friends easily, though. I just don’t understand why girls are so mean like this.
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I’m so sorry. I remember this kind of crap when I was that age. By “sign her up”, I meant more like school activities, teams and things–which I suppose will have to wait until school starts again. Hopefully, this will all blow over soon and she can have a good summer.
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A lot of school activities aren’t even free anymore! It’s crazy! But yes, hopefully things will be better… and summer will go well.
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My oldest has this same issue.. kids are so mean these days but all I can do as mom is try to advise her of the best way to handle it.. without going crazy dragon lady lol
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It is really difficult to keep from losing it with some of these kids! But, of course, that would only make things worse…!
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Oh if only you could make them believe it will be ok. Why are girls like that? It was the same way when I was a kid. Always a popularity contest. I’m sorry she’s having to deal with this. And you too! 💔
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Things seemed better by the end of yesterday… but she still told me she had a bad weekend…
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Oh man 😞 I hope things went better at school today…
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I wish I could entertain her enough so she doesn’t feel crappy when none of her friends are around… but I’m her mom… it will never be the same as friends, you know?
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Not the same, no… but she’ll remember the time with Mom as more precious than with fickle girlfriends! I promise you that! 💕
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I feel like 10-12 was the worst for my older girls. I hope things get better for your girl. *hug*
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I hope it gets better, too. I really hate seeing her so sad!
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I know how you are feeling my daughter is 15 now and still heartbrokeing to see her when she has her bad days and I feel useless as mother x
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Even though the feeling is terrible, I’m glad to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. It gives me hope that there’s not actually anything wrong with how I feel… that it’s normal.
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Let the child get experiences on their own. M sure ur child a smart one. The child will walk on right path. ☺
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