I have four drafts from the last twenty-four hours.
The same thing keeps happening. I try to write about one thing, but it connects to other things—things that make me feel like hell… things that I don’t want to talk about because I have talked them to death… and nothing changes as a result. So I don’t want conversations to go there. But even when I’m alone writing… kind of talking to myself, the ‘conversation‘ goes there. And I can’t figure out how to stop it. If I can’t stop it with myself, how can I stop it with anyone else?
Everything is connected. So if I start talking about something… like how I used to like mornings but now I hate them… it turns into ‘I’m bored out of my mind‘ which turns into ‘I need a job‘… and I don’t want to talk about that. I know there are no new ideas. I don’t want to talk about the same failed ones I’ve already thought of and tried (and I’ve tried everything). It makes me feel so much worse to rehash it over and over again. I know I’m in an impossible situation… I don’t need to place any more emphasis on it.
But everything seems to lead to the bad places… even if I’m not thinking about them at the start. I guess they consume me. I can’t do anything that doesn’t bring me back there.
This has left me with nothing suitable to post.
I do have huge plans tonight, though! [Sarcasm.] The girl is sleeping at a friend’s house. The boy is going to laser tag with his friends. The husband is working late but when he gets home, he’ll have dinner and do nothing. And I’m going to sit around and wait for Hawaii Five-0 to come on… then I’m going to watch it. Maybe I’ll make popcorn.
My life is fascinating.
©2018 what sandra thinks
popcorn is good
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That may be the most exciting part of my night. Second to Hawaii Five-0.
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I read this idea about asking yourself ‘what if…?’ questions as a way of coming up with possibilities that your mind has resisted before. I spend time saying things like ‘what if I were a millionaire?’ and ‘what if the skly was pink all the time?’ and ‘what if I lost all the weight I wanted to?’ and ‘what if those people were my longlost cousins?’ and anything in the world, including not-big-issues: I read fiction and if it says that the man did this, I say ‘what if I did this?’ and ‘what if I were that man?’ or other meaningless, not-personal questions. It apparently helps develop neural pathways in your brain so it actually helps your health and creativity, plus since you are just saying what if, your brain is not likely to say that it’s completely crap as readily as if you were doing affirmations about ‘all is great’ etc. Maybe it’s worth a try–good luck with it all!
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Thank you! This reminds me of something someone mentioned to me a long time ago that I obviously forgot! My head really is too cluttered! I’m going to see if that helps me. I definitely need to get my mind on something different… and stay focused on that something…
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Whatever works–good luck with it. I would suggest the ‘morning pages’ from that book about The Artist’s Way where you just write down all the brain goo in your head for whatever minutes, but maybe you’ve been doing that. Maybe doing it without focus is what you need to do to unclutter–
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Maybe. I am just really tired of thinking about the same things over and over again. The ones I can’t resolve. They upset me so much and I’m tired of feeling terrible…
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Sounds like giving your brain something else to obsess about might be really helpful–good luck. When I feel like crap I do what the Abraham-Hicks folks say is something like ‘rampage of appreciation’, where you just list stuff you like or love or appreciate, anything from food to weather to animals to things in magazines to whatever else. They say that choosing to dwell on what feels good helps you get less stuck. Works for me–
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It’s worth a shot. I think I’ve just been so upset lately that I feel like the good stuff “doesn’t count”. I know, it’s crazy… my brain tells me crazy things sometimes…!
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I love the “what if” scenarios
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You are the one who mentioned this to me a long time ago… but my memory is crap. I think I have too much bad stuff in my head to remember the helpful things…
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Lol! I don’t even remember!😉 But during my “break”, I might tackle a few for fun…as a “character” of course. 😊 What if I won 5000000 and kept it a secret? What if I was mistaken for someone famous and decided to play along for a while? Stephen King loves his what if scenarios…
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That’s what you told me… Stephen King! I never remember anything good… but the bad things that break me never shut up…
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It wasn’t important enough to remember…BTW, I’d like to reblog your Reflections post with all you links from your A to Z? If you are okay with that could you enable the reblog button for that one post? 🙂
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I think it was important! It could be helpful but my brain only holds onto bad stuff. It’s very annoying.
I couldn’t figure out how to enable reblog just for that post so I just turned it on. And yes, I’m definitely okay with you reblogging… thanks! 🙂 Who knows when I’ll be able to write fiction again… 😐
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I reblogged and then rescheduled for May 24… 🙂
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Okay. 🙂
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And you will be able to write fiction again. You did a wonderful job this April, not feeling well AND with the stress of the daily postings. That speaks volumes!!!
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Maybe if I actually had a great idea that really spoke to me right now… Maybe then, I could write…
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Well, what topics would do that? Or maybe have readers sent you three line suggestions
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Well… you know all I ever write is romance… but I need a story… a real plot. Kind of pathetic that I can’t come up with my own plot… shouldn’t a writer be able to do that??
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Nope. Lots of writers do sweet shorts…ok , so that sounded weird…🤔 Sweet short stories like yours. I see it often on Kindle
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But I can’t just have two people randomly meet and fall in love. I need something… Plus, falling in love takes time… can’t happen instantly… not really. I like to have it be slightly realistic… 🙂
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No. But you could rewrite a few pieces and see how much more complexity you could maybe add to the characters, scenary, etc.
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I have to see if I have anything… I feel like I’ve run out of stuff…
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You have tons…
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I’ve posted them… I don’t know… I wish I had something new instead of rehashing the same stuff over and over again…
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I know. But that’s what I’m doing. No new fiction.☺
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What a great life! 😉
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Ugh. I’m hating it…
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I can tell… But it’s your only one. 🙂
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I know… sucks. 😦
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How can you change it to not suck? What could happen in your life to make it not suck?
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Pretty much everything needs to change. Most of it is out of my control.
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Can you do anything you are in control of?
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Mmm popcorn 🍿 is the best!
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I can’t figure out what to have for dinner now that the kids are both out… maybe I should just have popcorn all night. But I suppose some protein might be helpful…
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Every once in a while I have a popcorn supper. Add cheese for your protein 😊
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Haha! What I really want is a bit fat juicy cheeseburger. But that will be bad for the thighs. 🙂
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Ha! Do it! I’m a very bad influence. I’d like a cheeseburger myself. 😋
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It’s one of my favorite things… but I rarely indulge… especially not from the Five Guys so close to me. And of course, it would require fries on the side. LOL
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We had pizza just now, but only a couple of small pieces. We have pizza almost every Friday and then, yes, we’ll watch Hawaii 5-0!
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I had a leftover piece of chicken and some veggies. Very very exciting. Now, H50. Still thinking about that popcorn…
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Blah. I have days like that, I hear you. Add into that my general level of annoyance with everything and everyone and I must be all sunshine and rainbows to those around me. Lol 🙄. Hang in there.
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I do not like the ‘faking it’ thing. And I can totally identify with that feeling of annoyance with everything and everyone. Happens to me all the time…
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Hey, you get enjoy it without interruption. That’s good, right? 😊
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Oh, everyone knows better than to interrupt me during this show. LOL Although, there will probably be an interruption… husband picking up the boy in a few minutes… they’ll interrupt when they get home… I’m sure of it. I have my ticked-off glare ready.
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Hahaha! I’ve seen that glare myself. I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s scary. 😳
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It’s a woman thing. 😒
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It’s scary. 😳
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My daughter has already mastered it. LOL
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Y’all are born with it, aren’t you? Just has to be fine tuned over time. 😃
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That sounds about right…
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😏
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Donnalee and Marquessa seem to have perfected a way of kicking their own butts. Maybe worth a try, and, although you started out a little negative (only a little bit – honestly), the comments started to move into a more positive stream. Yea, definitely worth a try!
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Life is good. One of my favorite things to do is put on a good dance tune and dance in my pajamas. It makes me feel amazing. I love music and dancing. That also helps me come up with new ideas to write about.
Hugs! You’re breathing… alive… you seem to have a good handle on thing! Life is good. 😂😘
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I think too much so I usually know exactly what’s going on… but sometimes, changing the bad things and enjoying the good ones doesn’t come so easily to me!
I love music, too. I don’t dance often, though… 🙂
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Try dancing! It’s exhilarating! 💃
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Maybe when no one’s home. 🙂
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Lol! Or with hubby! 😉
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Oh, that’s not going to happen. Not with him. But that’s another long story…
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I feel ya! Well… I dance alone and it’s fantastic! Lots of hugs to you! 😊
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Alone would be better… or maybe with my daughter. Although she is 10 and will make fun of me. 🙂
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How is Hawaii 5-0? I used to watch it, but life got in the way. I’ve thought about going back to it.
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I’m not particularly objective since I’m madly in love with Alex O’Loughlin… but I really enjoy the show. 🙂
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Hey, that’s a perfectly respectable reason to watch a TV show!
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Damn……I really am behind. Sometimes our favorite shows save the day and help us to escape from our minds a little. I’m happy you had an hour of escape XO
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I try. Usually doesn’t work… but I try…
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That’s all you can do…..try sweetness
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