I haven’t posted one of these for quite a while. Maybe I don’t have as many secrets as I thought… or maybe I’m not as willing to share them as I thought.
I’ve been [extra] anxious all week. I think it’s the reason I’ve been struggling with my a-to-z story… I think it’s why I’ve been moody… I think it’s why I’ve been somewhat unpleasant. So, I should start with an apology. I’m sorry. I’ve been kind of difficult lately.
This isn’t even a particularly good or juicy secret. It’s really just something I haven’t bothered mentioning. I’m not even sure why. Maybe I thought I’d jinx it. But, come on, I’m already jinxed. Does it really matter?
—
This morning I had a third injection in my back. And, yes, god dammit, I did go into it with a very positive attitude! I have been telling myself all week that this has to be the one that works. After my last follow-up appointment, I felt good about this next attempt… but I haven’t said anything about it. Sure, I’m scared it won’t work. Of course I am. I can only muster so much optimism.
[For those of you just joining… here’s some history…
I have been in pain for years. I finally decided that I should not have to live with it and I should try to get help. So I did… but so far, I have had no improvement. The first injection I had was kind of a ‘test’ to see if blocking some of the nerves would help. That failed. The second was the same type of injection I had today (ESI) but it didn’t give me any pain relief at all. Today’s was in a different spot.]
I won’t know if it ‘worked‘ for a few days… four to seven… or maybe even longer. But I’m trying to be hopeful. Because I am so tired of being in pain all the time. And because I don’t know what else they can try after this. And because I know that at some point, my stupid health insurance is going to stop covering these procedures. (I could go on for hours about how angry it makes me that my healthcare is often decided by a fucking insurance company and not my doctor(s)… but I will spare you that rant.)
This may sound ridiculous, but I think maybe today’s injection was different. I barely remember feeling any pain at all during the actual injection for the first two. But today, I felt it. It hurt. Not unbearably so, but I definitely felt it. Does that mean it’s the right spot? I have no idea… I could be totally wrong… but it felt different. Maybe it’s all in my head.
There was sedation involved. I’m not going to lie… I love the sedation. I’d like to be able to do that on my own as needed. (I know… I sound like a junkie. I promise I’m not…) It is so relaxing. I rarely feel that mellow. But because of the sedation, I had to get a ride this morning. And I’m not supposed to drive for 24 hours. But I do have to pick up my kids after school. It’ll be okay… I’m fine. Just un-stressed… for once.
More so physically than mentally, though. I can never fully get rid of the mental stress.
God, that would be fucking awesome. How does that feel? I really don’t know…
©2018 what sandra thinks
I do so hope that this latest injection works Sandra. You deserve some respite after all this time.
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Thanks. I would really like something to work for me.
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Hahaha! Enjoy the little buzz. And, by the way, was that “god dammit…” directed at anyone in particular? 😏
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Kind of… but not just you… 😀
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Oh, ok. I feel better then. 😃😃
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Please don’t be offended… 🙂 Believe me, most of it comes from frustration with myself. I just want this to work…
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Hahaha! You thought I might be offended?!? C’mon now. Surely you know me better than that! I thought it was hilarious…and awesome that actually went in with a positive outlook! You watch, see if this one doesn’t work more effectively for you. The universe listens. 😏
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Whatever you say…
The thing is… from the moment I was referred to this pain mgmt practice, I was so sure it was going to help me. I couldn’t wait for them to try something… anything. And then it didn’t work… So… even though I was really optimistic about all of what they’ve tried, nothing worked anyway. That’s why I don’t think it matters what I think going into anything…
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Fair enough. Can’t hurt though.
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I hope this one gives you some relief.
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Thanks so much.
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Oh man! Fingers crossed that this is the one! ❤
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Thanks… I really hope this helps. If today is any indication… I’m actually sort of optimistic. (I know… right?) It’s that whole “you might feel worse before you feel better” thing… because the pain kind of feels worse at the moment… so maybe that’s a “good” sign. I don’t know…
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I wish I knew more about what the shots are supposed to feel like… like if more pain = getting it at the right spot. I hope that’s what it means!
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Yeah, I don’t really know either. I just know that they’ve told me a few times that I may have increased pain initially. Too bad the sedation doesn’t last for a few days… 😛 I suppose I could supplement that with other forms of sedation… of the herbal kind. But I don’t have any!
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Hey! It’s legal up there now, isn’t it? 😃 Maybe you should get a prescription!
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Soon enough I won’t even need a prescription… I mean, technically, I already don’t… but I can’t just grab some at CVS or anything. Now that would be convenient!
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Right? 😃 My little town is getting its first dispensary, set to open in June. I never thought I would see the day!
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I’m not even sure when they are set to open around here… but it’s very soon. I think the issue for me is more of a financial nature. I barely spend money on take-out… I don’t know how I’d justify money for this. I’m pretty sure my insurance won’t cover it… 😛
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You need shadier doctors! 😮
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🙂 The ones at the pain mgmt office have been really great about pushing with the insurance company to get things approved. It’s all worked, so that’s good. But as far as getting them to give me a prescription for this… I’m not sure if they do that. And I’m not sure how it would look if I was the one to bring it up… you know? They’ll just think I’m a pothead…
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Hahaha! Well, it really is a legitimate treatment option for people in chronic pain. Hell, its a safer, less addictive alternative to opioids. It’s just hasn’t lost its stigma yet.
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Exactly. Also, before the injections they ask a million health history questions… including ‘do you smoke cigarettes?’ ‘do you drink alcohol?’ and ‘do you smoke marijuana?’ Of course, I’m a no to all three of those… but if given the choice, I might not be… (And no, I don’t count Mom’s Xmas eve punch… lol)
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😃 So you never know!
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Fingers crossed Sandra!🤞🤞🤞
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Thanks… ♥
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🙂
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Fingers crossed and all the other superstitions 🙂
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Thanks Alex 🙂
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Fingers crossed that it will work and make you feel better 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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I would totally go on that healthcare rant with you!
Hope this helps!
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Thank you. I’m losing hope now that it’s been four days and I haven’t started to feel any better. They did say it could get worse initially… but ‘initially’ should be over by now. I’m not sure what to think…
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Waiting is the worst.
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It really is.
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