Dear Diary,

I fought with myself for at least an hour before I finally sucked it up and went to the Woodman party. How could I not? I knew everyone would be there… and it was happening two floors below me. The whole building would be shaking. I would have felt like I was there even if I never left my room.

I put on my sexy top, as Jules calls it… the one that she says ‘brings my boobs to life’… and I descended the stairs into beer-fueled chaos. I grabbed my obligatory red Solo cup and poured myself some ginger ale so people would stop asking me if I wanted beer. I ran into some friends by the very enthusiastic beer pong game… and we watched. I was particularly entertained since Randy was playing… and not doing well.

Despite my mood (which sucked… and still sucks), the party wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

But after a couple of hours roaming around the party talking to friends and dodging beer spills, I was sick of the smell of beer. I wanted to leave. But Jules found me and wouldn’t let me go. She even convinced me to do a tequila shot with her. But I stopped after only one because tequila and I don’t always get along. Besides, it was right about then that my mission to avoid Hannah met failure.

There she was… in her element… surrounded by boys… trying to make sure they were all focused on her. I almost lost my tequila. The only thing worse would be seeing Ethan with her. Then, that’s exactly what happened. He was there… with the same guys Hannah invited to be ‘her guests’ for the night.

I tried to hide behind other people while I watched. Why do I torment myself? I’m a masochist.

Hannah threw her arm around one guy after another… laughing her fake laugh… rubbing up against them. It was just… gross. I had to look away. But before I did, Ethan saw me.

Yes, our eyes met across a crowded room. No, not in the sappy romantic kind of way. It felt more like I got caught in the act… of… something. But Ethan just smiled… his way of saying ‘hi’ without abandoning his friends, I guess. My expression barely made it to a smile before Hannah broke our line of sight by pretending to stumble into Ethan’s arms. Of course he caught her. What else could he do? Let her fall? That would have been fucking awesome. But no. He caught her. I don’t know what the hell happened next. I couldn’t watch. I had to get the hell out of there.

Of course, that was not to be either. As soon as I turned to go, I walked right into Dylan.

He laughed… which made me laugh. Then he threw an arm around me and gave me a little squeeze and a kiss on my cheek before following his friends to the keg. I hope Hannah saw that. And I wonder if Ethan saw it.

And if he did, was that good or bad?

• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.

©2018 what sandra thinks