Dear Diary,
Chemistry was awkward this morning. For me. It was the first time I’d seen Ethan since the Dylan ‘incident’. But it wasn’t just that. It was Hannah and the party and… just… all of it.
I knew I wasn’t myself and Ethan could tell. Of course, I couldn’t say anything. How the hell could I possibly explain that I was afraid I was losing him when I never had him in the first place? I’m too invested in a relationship that probably only exists in my head.
I know… I really need to stop assuming things. Maybe he is invested. I mean… the infirmary… and the library… and the doodles. And today… when I know I was acting weird… he noticed. Next to the cute worried face he drew in his notebook, he expressed genuine concern. ‘You ok?’
I kind of lied when I gave him a half-assed smile and nodded. And I think he knew I wasn’t really okay.
He definitely cares. We’re friends. But I really don’t know if I’m capable of making the first move. But maybe it’s not the first move. Maybe he already did that… at the infirmary… or the library… or every time he draws cute little pictures in class.
I don’t know what to do. And that’s my problem—not knowing what to do—because I will end up doing nothing. Except watch Hannah throw herself at him at the party tomorrow night. But I shouldn’t let her keep me from going to the biggest party of the year. Besides… I’m sure Dylan will be there. And he’ll flirt with me because that’s what he does.
I should make sure Hannah sees me with him. He’s one conquest that’s always eluded her.
• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.
©2018 what sandra thinks
Ah, two can play that game. It backfires sometimes though. I smell fireworks coming at this party. 😃
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What you’ll smell… is beer. Gross!
Hmm…not really fireworks. I think it’s going to be totally disappointing for you. I keep telling people I have no idea what I’m doing when I write…
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I think you and Hannah should just rumble and get it over with. 😃
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“Rumble”… it’s not the 50s! LOL That word reminds me of, like, ‘Happy Days’…
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Hey Potsie, sit on it! 😃
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Hahaha 😃
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Maybe if y’all rumble, and you win, it’d turn into a Joanie Loves Chachi kinda thang. 😜
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Oh my god… I hated that show! lol
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Hahaha! Didn’t everybody? 😃
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I hope so! 😃
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I assume so. 😃
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Yep, big fireworks coming.
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Everyone’s going to be disappointed… Maybe I need to rewrite the whole thing…
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I don’t think so.
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I hope not..
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No fireworks? I’m actually more intrigued … and I’m trying to guess what “S” will stand for!
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It’ll be really disappointing. I honestly think I need to trash the rest of the story now and rewrite from here.
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I am positive there is no need for that, whatever you write will be really good just as this story has been till now! Don’t worry!!
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Thanks so much. I lack confidence (obviously)!
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Its alright.. every one does for different things!
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Awww, don’t do that. Finish A to Z and then return to it. Give us an alternate ending, maybe. After all if this is “biased on actual events” you should stick to the story. And we won’t be disappointed, don’t worry!
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Well… You know how I always feel like I don’t have enough plot? It’s not exciting enough? Yeah… that’s what happens. And when I get to a place where obviously there should be some excitement, I’m not sure there is enough… or any. My life wasn’t exciting enough… lol
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There’s always a risk in writing a ‘memoir’ – but you’ve done a fabulous job building tension in this story, so don’t second guess it now. Not only that, fiction would have us expect something truly over the top when in reality that kind of thing rarely happens. Life is interesting without fireworks!
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Sometimes it is! I just hate to feel like I’ve disappointed people. And it’s not totally a memoir… but I know what you mean…
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I’m going to be so sad when this story is over!! I am LOVING it!
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Thanks… I’m so glad you love it! I’m going to be sad when it’s over! I have no idea what I’m going to write after this!
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but I remember how much you were struggling to write before, and this story is turning out great!! Hopefully this was just what you needed to break that block. I follow a few writing prompt boards on Pinterest and they give lots of good ideas – maybe they could help you too?
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For some reason, I never seem to have good luck with prompts. I don’t know why… maybe because it came from someone else, it doesn’t inspire me? I’m not sure. I think my brain also tells me that I should be able to come up with my own ideas or what’s the point of writing? Which is ridiculous! Maybe my head is telling me it’s not really all my own? It’s silly, I know.
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Ooo maybe? I save little quotes and phrases and stuff that have inspired me as well 🙂 haven’t written anything using them but its nice to know they are there haha
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I do have little ideas here and there that I’ve written down in my phone. I don’t know… sometimes they just don’t work for me anyway. I need more inspiration in my life…!
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I have a note on my phone too 🙂 but I hardly ever use it
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Oh no, then you’ll flirt with Dylan and Ethan will see and it’s going to be a big misunderstanding! Don’t do it!! 😉
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Things certainly can get messy with everyone in the same place… 🙂
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Dylan should give Hannah a taste of her own medecin!
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She deserves to feel like crap… since she does that to every one else! Well, the girls anyway…
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Just desserts!
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Oh boy! I hope she goes to the party!
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She should, right??
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aw.. he’s so sweet!! ❤ Ethan!!! ❤ I love the little doodles, too!
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He is sweet… ♥ Thanks… I like making those doodles! 🙂
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“I’m too invested in a relationship that probably only exists in my head.” — been there. Even when I didn’t want to end up there! Ethan seems like the real deal, though.
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I have been there way too many times…!
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