dear diary | q – quit #atozchallenge

Dear Diary,

I need to quit thinking about Ethan so much. That’s what I keep telling myself. I don’t think it’ll work… but I hate that I’m getting so upset over him. I have to stop. And last night I tried… with a little help from Jules and Randy…

They showed up at my door with a case of beer. I asked them if they were planning on drinking all that beer themselves. Of course they weren’t. They offered to share even though they both know I hate beer. But I was determined to get Ethan out of my head… at least for a while… so I took one anyway. I managed to drink it without gagging. And then I had another.

I knew it was a bad idea to drown my thoughts in disgusting beer, but I did it anyway. Hell, about three beers in, I didn’t even care how gross it tasted anymore. I knew I’d regret it, but in the moment, I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted to laugh with my friends and forget all about Ethan. And Hannah. Especially Hannah.

Then the most powerful distraction showed up. His name is Dylan… a friend of Randy’s… who is really hot… totally out of my reach… and definitely not my type. He’s kind of the male Hannah. Not in the attention-seeking way. He doesn’t have to try for that… girls fall all over him. No, he’s like Hannah in the other way. His… um… interactions… with girls are short-lived. He might as well have a revolving door on his dorm room.

Of course, by the time Dylan showed up, I was drunk. Jules and Randy were… less drunk. I think. And I have no idea what state Dylan was in because I was so fucked up. Maybe that’s why Dylan sat so close to me on my bed. Maybe that’s why he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against him. And maybe that’s why Randy and Jules quietly slipped out of my room and left me alone with my distraction.

Of course, being me, despite all the disgusting beer I had consumed, my brain was still screaming at me. ‘Don’t do this!’

But I did.

But only a little.

We just kissed. A lot. I’m sure he would have taken it much farther… like, clothes-in-a-pile-on-the-floor farther… but I couldn’t do it. I thought he might be a dick about it but he was really cool. And that made me realize that I really don’t know what’s going on in other people’s heads.

And I should stop thinking I do.

• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.

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