A long time ago on this blog, I posted about a time I screwed up a relationship because I was so worried that I wasn’t actually special… so paranoid that the relationship was going to end that I caused the very ending I feared.
I couldn’t just enjoy it. I couldn’t ‘live in the moment.’ Instead, I thought about the future and became so concerned about what was going to happen… about what could go wrong… that I made everything go wrong.
That post is gone, just in case you’re looking for it. I removed it because the person with whom I ruined the relationship said these words to me:
“You should take that post down. It makes you look unstable.”
I was offended… insulted… belittled. And I took down the post.
I have days of heightened anxiety and sadness. I’ve not kept that a secret. But through it, I live my life. As well as I’m able. I do what I have to do… and usually more. I take care of my children, my home, my health. I am not perfect at any of those things… or at anything. (Who is?) But I do the best I can.
Maybe it’s not good enough. Who’s to say? I’m usually my harshest judge… and even I wouldn’t use the word ‘unstable’. I may not be up all the time… but I’m not down all the time either. And that’s normal. Ups and downs. Everyone has them.
Maybe we’re all ‘unstable‘…
©2018 what sandra thinks
This post made me smile. You are strong and I can hear that clear in this post. Yes, everyone has their ups and downs but the only important thing as that we keep getting up and dusting ourselves off. Unstable? No.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I’m glad it made you smile… 🙂 I don’t know what made me think about this today… well, actually, yes I do. But for some reason, I just wanted to share it.
What’s unstable is the pile of clothes to donate that’s sitting on my bed currently. 😛
LikeLike
Lol. A quick drive to a women’s shelter will solve your problem!😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes… I need to take care of that tomorrow. Got some kids’ clothes, too. Too many kids’ clothes. But they were so cute! lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shelters are always in need. You’ll be doing a great deed! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Considering the many things we all have to face in this life, who is anyone to say we are not good enough or stable in our journey. I defy anyone to say they have everything under control.
As you have said, you are doing the best you can with what you have been dealt. And yes, we in fact all create the very thing we all fear…so that we can ‘see’ what built those same fears, understand them…and be free.
Which means you are probably doing better than most others because of what you are going through.
Have faith my friend, in you. That heart is stronger than diamond, trust it ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Someone said something to me today that kind of hit me… and it made me remember all sorts of little things from my past…
LikeLiked by 1 person
The post probably helped you process the situation. Taking it down was a choice….your choice.
I would like to say ‘don’t give another person the power’ but I am insecure myself and probably would have done the same…
Either way, keep blogging! I mean, if you want to. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. I think you’re right… the post helped me make sense of what happened. And I think I just hated that word… unstable… so much that I ditched the post. I should probably have ignored him but my brain doesn’t seem to want to work that way! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
HUGS!!!! For what it’s worth, I’ve enjoyed reading about your journey: its ups, downs, and everything in-between. I’ve found inspiration. I thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so glad to hear that! And thank you! Sometimes I wonder if I’m just whining away… and if people think I should shut up. But I think I know somewhere in my head that I might be helping someone… even if only by letting them know they’re not alone… ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you’re probably right in that we are all unstable to a certain degree, we just don’t admit it.
We certainly act out different personas according to circumstances, one (or more) for work, one for social, one for family, one for parents.
Unstable? Us? Never!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I probably admit it a little too much. And I agree about the different personas!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your honesty is a big strength!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, we are all unstable. But it is part of what drives us to be creative. Stable can be stationary, unmoving, inflexible. Sorry that doesn’t work for me! Though you go through the lows, you still keep moving forward, Sandra. Don’t let those words get to you! But I would’ve deleted the post too. Because it would always remind me when I’d want to forget about it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think with that post, I got to a place (pretty quickly) where I didn’t want to talk about it anymore… so I decided it had to go. I like to think it was all me who made that decision. Not Mr. Unstable. 🙂
LikeLike
I don’t blame you. That’s how I’d feel too. Put it behind you and move on. 🙌
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course we’re all unstable. We’re all a work in progress but we’re also all strong and capable of anything, just as you are. Hugs to you Sandra. xo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you… you said that so well. I don’t feel strong as often as I should, I know, but I’m trying. Hugs xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s all we can do. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Everyone is broken, Lady. You are in good company. I wish you all my best. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Eric… ♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh fuck that person!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, our entire existences are unstable…no matter what we convince ourselves of otherwise. All of us. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 I recognize that I’m not “average” when it comes to psychology… but there’s no need to be mean, you know?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I totally agree. That’s really not a nice thing to tell someone. I believe a swift, “Fuck off!”, was warranted.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Unfortunately, at the time, I was too upset to say that… but I wish I had!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh man, don’t you hate that? The worst is coming up with the perfect comeback but 5 minutes after it should have been said. 😏
LikeLiked by 1 person
That happens to me all the time. I hate it so much! 😒
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s maddening, isn’t it? 😠
LikeLiked by 1 person
who are we to judge ourselves, let alone judge others.
i’ve always thought sanity was a wonderful concept, something ideal that we all view from a distance, some from further than others.
‘stable’ feels related but while our concept of sanity is within, stable feels much more external …
what seems to matter to me is my ability to balance, or maybe react in the short term, adapt in the long term to the instability.
i’m cautious in restraining my thoughts and my posts – i might retract something or take something back after serious consideration, but i’m allowed to feel how i do, and so is everyone else.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes… exactly. We are allowed to feel our feelings… whether others can handle that or not is their issue… not ours. Not that I don’t worry about what others think of me… because I do, more than I should. But I tell myself all the time that if people can’t deal with me… my thoughts… my feelings, that’s their loss…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know I am. Sometimes. And sometimes I’m not. Crap.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really do think we’re all that way… sometimes we feel unstable… sometimes not…
LikeLike
Some people find that being open about mistakes is a flaw in character. I, on the other hand, find it to be very much a positive attribute. ‘Birds of a feather flock together’… I choose the strength of an eagle rather than run with turkeys.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your thoughts. I’ve always thought that those who act like they don’t make mistakes are lying… probably even to themselves….
LikeLike
I think a lot of people don’t understand how therapeutic it is to share feelings, especially through writing, or they aren’t comfortable acknowledging their own. And for some reason, a lot of people like to make others feel bad about their feelings in order to control them. I say, just keep being you! And you’re right, no one is perfect and we all have a bit of instability.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Even though sometimes I wonder if I share too much, I can’t imagine keeping it all in… That’s just not me…!
LikeLike