You’ll miss me when I’m gone.
No no no… don’t panic… or rejoice. I’m only going away for a couple of days. We have a tradition of sleeping over at Mom’s house on Christmas Eve… and spending Christmas Day there as well. Although this year, it’s possible we will be there for an extra day because no matter what my bonehead husband says, I am not driving home on Christmas Day if there’s a storm. That shit scares me.
The sleepover tradition started when my two sisters were still single… living alone. (Forget the one who doesn’t speak to me… she has no involvement in this.) They, of course, spent Christmas at my parents’ house. Once I was married, the husband and I would visit for Christmas Eve but then come home and have our own Christmas morning. Honestly, it never measured up. Not even close. It kind of sucked. I missed Christmas morning at my parents’ house. I never really wanted to give it up.
After a few years of disappointing Christmas mornings, I had a baby and we started sleeping over at my parents’ on Christmas Eve. Happy Christmas mornings returned! Of course, it was never the same as it was when I was younger… when I was a little kid or a teenager or even a college student. It was different… but still better than being at home.
I wonder if that has some deeper meaning – loving it so much more at the home where I grew up than in my grown-up home? Maybe. But I’m not going to analyze it because it will thrust many harsh realities of my life into my face and I don’t want to deal with them right now. Or ever.
This year might be a little bit of a challenge. I’ve had a rough year and family gatherings tend to bring me to tears. My life is a mess… a disaster, really. I am a total failure. But I wouldn’t avoid Christmas with my family because of those things. I just try really hard to ignore them. I fail… but I try.
Plus there’s a bit of sadness to every special occasion since everyone who used to be with us isn’t there anymore. My dad, my grandma, my cousin. I just don’t think I want time to pass anymore. It seems to only bring pain and loss.
This week gave me a little perspective, though. In the grand scheme of things, nothing I do or don’t do… nothing I am or am not… nothing about me… really matters at all. My sadness, pain (both physical and otherwise), despair… it’s just… self-involved crap. I feel selfish thinking I matter enough to want those things to get better.
So… to make a long story short (I know… too late), I will likely not be posting tomorrow or Monday. And I didn’t post yesterday either. Fuck, what a slacker. I’m still having writing issues. I can’t form coherent thoughts so I can’t write them down. It’s really irritating. I think it’s slowly driving me mad. I know I need to just look away but I want to write – to post – so much that I stare at the screen and when nothing happens, I cry.
But I guess for a couple of days, I will look away… because I’ll be on a forced hiatus. Unless I schedule posts in advance. Hm… I could try that. But since I can’t write for shit, don’t count on it.
This terribly happy and joyful post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. No editing is allowed… and this week, the prompt is ‘yule/you’ll/Yul.’ Start your post with one of them.
©2017 what sandra thinks
I like that you found your way back to your parents for Christmas mornings. I spend a solid week at home every year but both my brother and I are still single. I’m sure that will change when either/both of us decide to find someone to settle down with and start our own families. But right now I enjoy the familiarity of the past 30 years of traditions.
Merry Christmas Sandra! To you and your family. I hope that being around your mom and siblings you’ll have a good time. ❤
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Thank you… I hope you have a Merry Christmas, too! I think there’s something comforting about spending Christmas where I spent it as a kid… I hope I get to do it for a long time… ❤
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Yes there is a lot of comfort in it!!
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Relax and enjoy the hiatus. It will be refreshing to have a change of pace and scenary. You can DM if you get bored!🙄
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I’m guessing at some point I’ll get either bored or stressed or something! I’m going to do my best to relax, but of course, forcing myself to relax isn’t very relaxing! 🙂
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All you can do is try!
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🙂
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Frohe Weihnachten / Merry Christmas / Happy Holiday
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Thank you… Best wishes to you, too!
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Thank you!! Happy Holidays!!
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Merry Christmas, my dear! I hope that you have a truly wonderful day. We’ll be here when you’re back! 💚
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Thank you… so sweet. I hope you have a lovely holiday, too. Maybe I’ll get my ability to write back for Christmas… ♥
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Well, you’ll be missed, for sure. But you need the time with family, so go and enjoy being home. Hope you guys have a terrific Christmas. 😊😊
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I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, too. 🙂 I don’t always go into these things with the most optimistic thoughts. (Shocking… I know.) But I’m hoping I can relax and enjoy it. I’m already a bit stressed because of a storm heading here on Christmas day… we may not be driving home that day after all. I’m not sure it’ll be safe to be on the road… I know cranky husband will want to come home. But, hell, if it’s not safe, no way are the kids and I getting in the truck! Maybe my Christmas gift will be the ability to write again. But I’m not counting on it. I hate that this time of year makes me so sad. Okay… now I’m rambling. Shutting up now. 🙂
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Just go into it with the intent of relaxing. Yours mom won’t need the stress. If he insists on coming home in spite of bad weather, let him. You guys stay with your mom for a a bit.
I certainly hope that writing mojo wish comes true. Merry Christmas to you . Have fun, please. 😊😊
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I will try. Though it would be nice if I didn’t have to try so hard to relax! Forcing it isn’t very relaxing, you know?
Oh… and Mom is an hour away… if my husband leaves alone, he’d have to come back and pick us up the next day or something. He just needs to chill the fuck out and suck it up. I’m packing for an extra night just in case…
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Hahaha! A glass of wine or two should help take the edge off…or your moms punch. Try to enjoy the day. And hide his keys. 😃😃
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The punch was great… 🙂 A bit of anxiety for various reasons… but mostly okay. Although there’s still time for someone to piss me off… lol 😛
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Hahaha! How’d that work out? 😃😃
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Well… sometimes I really feel like I don’t fit in with my own family. It really bothers me. And my little sister can be kind of a bitch sometimes…
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I’m sorry, man. Family can be a bear to deal with sometimes, that’s for sure. 😏
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Merry Christmas! 🎄🎁 I hope you & yours have a great one!
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Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful holiday, too! 🙂
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Merry Christmas!!!.. do try to relax and loosen up a bit 🙂
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Oh… I wish that was easy for me! Merry Christmas to you, too!
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It will be.. everyone has their own way of finding their calm and relaxing and im sure you’ll know/find yours.. its the holiday season.. some thing will cheer you up….?
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Maybe… although I don’t find the holiday season to be particularly happy… I find it stressful!
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Ohoh.. why so?.. I mean i know you would have tried to relax maybe you should start something new.. something you always wanted to do.. and not get too stressed about it ..?
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Oh… lots of reasons. And it’s hard to do lots of things, old or new, without the financial means. I don’t know… it’s just stressful…
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Aww.. I hope Santa answers all your wishes and makes sure that the next year that you all get fruits instead of thorns ❤
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Thank you… ❤
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*all you get is
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Hope you enjoy the time with your family. Merry Christmas, Sandra. ♥
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Merry Christmas to you, too! ♥
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♥♥
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Hope you have a much better time than you are thinking you will have. Love and best wishes to you all for Christmas, and may the New Year bring lots of good ideas, a lot of peace, a lack of pain, and a sense of wellbeing that you deserve.
Hugs.xx
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Thank you for your kind wishes… and best wishes to you, too.
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Families and holidays… Sounds like you need that connection to what you came from. No bad thing, really… Just remember that where you’re going matters to the people who love you too.
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I do it all for mom and the kids… Happy Holidays to you.
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Merry Christmas, Sandra! It’s okay if you can’t write, don’t cry. ❤ We'll all understand!
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Thank you… ♥ Maybe once the stress of the holiday is over, things will improve… like writing… but there’s always more stress to come. But thank you! 🙂
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I have my two adult nieces and their husbands sleeping over tonight. We do this for Thanksgiving and for Christmas and we stay up late after all the other family goes home, and we drink and play boardgames and laugh and get silly. It’s a great tradition over here:)
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My mom and sisters and I stay up late and talk about our other relatives who left earlier. Haha! 🙂
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Same here, lol!
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Cling to the traditions that work for you! Hope your holiday was lovely ❤
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Thank you. Maybe someday I’ll love Christmas again but the focus on “stuff” really depresses me. I hope you had a great day!
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I’ve really worked at just enjoying each year as it is, whether it meets my expectations or not. It’s never as magical as I remember, the gifts I give are usually way more thoughtful than the ones I get (I have boys!), and the decorating and baking I do are truly what I want to do. We have added some projects like giving a hat and mittens for a giving tree or buying some inexpensive toys as a family to donate to a school, etc., because my kids (and we are very middle class, I’d say) have always had more than enough! We’ve made teacher gifts, etc. and for each other to take the focus off of buying when we had very little money and the kids were younger. It’s a new year coming up, let’s all make the most of it!
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I don’t even have enough to buy for my kids or anyone else. Donating is out of the question. We didn’t struggle when I was a kid but my life is a sucky disaster now. I’m sure I’m never going to be able to enjoy Christmas. I wish it wasn’t all about money but it is. There’s no way around that.
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