It has been a long time since I wrote any poetry or fiction or anything else from my imagination. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I hate it. I used to be creative… full of ideas. Now I’m just writing yet another post about how I don’t write anything anymore. It makes me so sad. I don’t fully understand what happened to me. I’m just not there anymore.
I truly believe that I’m finished. And that makes me wonder why I’m here. I don’t think I’m ever going to write anything fictional or poetic again. Nothing decent, at least. I suppose I could force it and come up with something terrible. But I think I’m all dried up. Like a shriveled up leaf… barely hanging on… soon to be blown off the tree… into a pile of others like me… until I turn to dust.
Poof.
I stole this from a very old post of mine. It’s kind of how I feel lately…
I’m a picket barely hanging onto my rail on an abandoned fence,
Swaying in the wind, waiting for a gust to rip me free…
So I can fall face down into the dirt beneath.
Yeah. That’s me.
©2017 what sandra thinks
But you know what happens when it falls to the ground? It starts to rot, then it starts to feed all manner of things. Bugs, plants, fungus, worms. Then things start to grow, and they get bigger and bigger. Then they start to flower, and produce seeds, and the seeds are spread far and wide. The seeds produce even more good things, and so it goes, on and on.
Just like you will do.
Hugs.
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Feels like I’m already rotting… and I’m tired of waiting for something else to happen. It’s been over two months.
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That fence has to rot to feed new stuff. You just have to wait a little, be patient. It will come.
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Right… so I’ll be feeding someone else… not myself.
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Oh, how negative you can be! NO, you will be feeding your own creativity.
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Yeah… sorry… I am negative. I just don’t believe the positive stuff. It’s my whole issue, really. The last time I talked to a professional, he told me I had to “just believe it” (the positive stuff)… but that was precisely the reason I went to him… because I don’t “just believe it.” So yeah… he was no help.
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*Hugs* I hope you’ll feel better soon… Inspiration is a sneaky thing. It comes and goes, and you can’t tame it… Just hang around, and it’ll come back 🙂
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I hope so… I’ve been waiting for a very long time… months… 😦
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Trust me as someone who has gone through years of being non creative. It does return. I know this is going to sound very obvious, but you have to put down how you feel, until you like how it sounds. For me along my journey of creativity I have found several sources of inspiration. Things that inspire me are being in love, or the opposite, being in pain. (and what i would call being level or neutral – its the spaces in between those three where i get stuck).
Also finding the work of other peers that pulls and pushes my emotions long enough to feel something other than how I feel when not feeling creative, and inspire me to want to aspire to being able to create something that gets me closer to feeling like I am a worthy creative. (aspiration?)
And on rare occasions, sometimes I can create my ‘best’ work simply by just seeing what comes out when I sit down to create. The source to creative inspiration is kind of like love, stop looking for it and it will come to you, and other times, by god go out there and grab it by the kahunas. <- I have no idea if that is spelt correctly.
I have been a great admirer of your works here, and your mind since I discovered you, and even with posts like these, I never look away, because I get so much out of seeing you progress and work through your struggles, and when you do post your work I am always amazed.
SO what is on your mind, what are you, or have you been personally facing recently that you want or need to express?
Write with what is in your heart, your soul, no matter the shade, the colour, write it until it is no longer within you. We believe in you Sandra!
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I feel like I’ve tried it all. I don’t have the “in love” feeling but I definitely have the “in pain” feeling. That seems to only help me write crap about how I feel… and that’s no fun for anyone to read. Sometimes, I think it makes the pain worse. Things have felt hopeless lately. Clearly, I’m in a bad place!
I have had periods like this before but never for this long. 😦
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I understand I really do. Most of my writing are posts like this one. And I too get that guilty feeling, like I’m only spreading more ‘negativity’. But I also realised that sometimes to write it out, actually creates room for something new (not always of course) but most of the time I felt a lot better after getting it off my chest, and knowing that someone else, whom understands has read it, and has not hated belittled me for not being ‘happy’. I went through a couple of months of pure bliss not to long ago. The first time I felt naturally happy, and genuinely alive. However with everything going on, I now find myself with a knott in my stomache, and feeling very anxious. Mainly because everything in my life seems to be unanswered or unresolved. Mix this with an unhealthy amount of solitude, and stress inducing lethargy = recipe for disaster. So I have done the only thing I can think of to at least attempt to resolve, or find answers to some of my questions.
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Yeah, things have not been going great for me lately. I know that’s at least part of what’s causing this. Maybe it’s all of it… I’m not sure. But I feel like something in my life needs to change before this will change. Which is really difficult because I have very little control, if any, over the things that are troubling me.
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You need a different angle🤔 Do something completely different, try not to be ‘productive’, forcing yourself to deliver. Write down 10 random items each on a piece of paper, shake and pick one. Write max two pages about this item. Shape, color, what it reminds you off. Just bleed.
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That’s a good idea. I know that part of the problem is the amount of stress I’ve had over the last few weeks. It’s messing up everything!
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Go have some coffee somewhere with only a pen and pad of paper and just watch people coming and going. Perhaps go to a park and people watch. Most importantly breathe. You will get your mojo back soon.
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Too cold for a park but I understand what you’re saying… Thank you. 🙂
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That’s not true. You’re still very poetic the way you are and I honestly love how consistent you always are. Oftentimes, when I have a writer’s block, I just give up writing completely, but not you. You’re on my feed almost 24/7, and I can never help it but to read them because your posts are always interesting. Don’t force yourself to create something, just go with the flow.
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Thank you. I try to post every day but I can’t always do it. I do worry that people will get sick of me… I know I’m sick of feeling like I can’t write!
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I don’t believe this at all. You know my position. I’ll spare you cliche-ridden pep talk, and just send some hugs and an empathetic ear. But…..I don’t believe that to be the case. 😕
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I’m just so fucking frustrated. I can’t remember the last time I wrote anything good (and I’m too lazy to look back at my recent posts to find something… and that would probably take hours anyway). I’ve tried some version of everything anyone has suggested and I just have nothing…
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Is it possible you’re psyching yourself out? What helps you relax, clear your mind, and get somewhat centered?
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I wish I knew. I’m always anxious. I have a very hard time relaxing. I’m stressed… and then I’m asleep… and then I wake up… stressed again. It’s always there… sometimes better than others… but always there.
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Soak in a bath, reading, yoga? Nothing? You gotta take it easy on yourself. You have to be exhausted mentally.
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Of course I’m exhausted. It’s a nightmare. But nothing helps me relax. There’s just too much bad… too much stress… things I can’t fix…
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Man. Not to be outta line or anything, but you need a joint, sex, and a great night of sleep. Not necessarily in that order, of course. But a mental reset. I’m sorry, my dear. I so wish I could help. 😕
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There’s only hope of me having one of those three… sleep.
Unless I outsource.
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I could help with one of them. 😏
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Do you need my address? ‘Cause I know you’re not talking about the 2nd one or the 3rd one…
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Hahaha! Yeah, I guess I should’ve been more specific. The 1st one is a definite. The second? Technically, I could….but that’d cause a lot of problems for me, and you. Soooo……. 😃😃
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You could technically take care of the third one, too… just knock me out.
Seriously… I will give you my address. 😀
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Ha! Well, you’ve got my email. Fire away. 😉
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Are you being serious right now?? 😀
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Sure. I would never send much by mail. Too obvious. But I could send a card with a bit tucked in. 😎
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My husband would probably kill me. I’ll have to think about that… but you’re the best to even offer! 🙂
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I have zero interest in causing trouble for you. Just offerin’. 😉
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I know. 🙂
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That candy won’t last long. Keep that in mind. 😃
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Haha 😃
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Oh… and it’s okay… I have a recipe for eggless cookie dough… 🙂
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As long as there are chocolate chips in it, I’m in. 😃
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I don’t think that you are done. You are frustrated and that’s normal. You can’t push yourself. I also won’t be all “pollyanna” on you tonight. Just remember that you have support!
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Thank you for that. ♥
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So sorry Darlin…..I absolutely love what Peter said. I’m going to have to check out his blog. You are a magnificent writer. Don’t give up yet. You need a muse…..a HOT young muse. LOL
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YES. That is exactly what I need. Got anyone for me? Seriously, I’m desperate…
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Hmmm….I’m in the car bored so let me see what I can find LOL
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Ha! Let me know when to expect him at my door. 😃
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Well it won’t let post the pic here so I’ll e mail it 😉
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You’re so sweet. I really do wish you could send an actual guy… 😏
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