mom’s boyfriend.

Posted on 11 July 2017 by what sandra thinks

My mom has a boyfriend. And it makes me feel… weird.

There’s nothing wrong with her having a boyfriend. My dad died over five years ago. I want Mom to be happy. And she is super-friendly and outgoing. People like her. (Yeah, I don’t know what the hell happened with those genes because I didn’t get them…) So the boyfriend thing is not a surprise.

But let me back up a little.

A couple of months ago when I first heard that Mom had a ‘friend,‘ as she calls him, I immediately got this lump in my throat and an overwhelming feeling of sadness and even jealousy.

I was the last of Mom’s four girls to find out that she was dating. It feels incredibly odd typing that. Dating. She didn’t set out to meet someone. Since Dad’s been gone, Mom has lived alone (still does) and she has grown much closer to her neighbors/friends. Her ‘friend‘ is one of these neighbors.

Sadness. It totally weirded me out to think of Mom with anyone other than Dad. I know divorce is widespread and people pass on and kids have been watching their parents ‘get back out there‘ forever. But I’m a little fucked up anyway… and my parents were together and happy for over 45 years. This feels… awkward. And sad. And strange. And almost wrong… which it’s not. And even though Dad and I weren’t that close and often butted heads, this makes me miss him… a lot.

I’m sure some of you are thinking that I sound like a 13-year old freaking out about Mom’s new boyfriend. And maybe I do sound like that. But this is new territory for me despite my not being 13 anymore.

Jealousy. This is much weirder. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me (like, in addition to everything else that’s wrong with me). It’s not that I want Mom to be alone and unhappy… of course I want her to be happy. I guess the thing is… I also want me to be happy. Like, with love. My husband and I love each other. But there’s no spark. There were never huge fireworks, but there was something… and I can’t find it anymore. [And I think a lot of what was between him and I in the beginning was in my head, not in reality… but that’s another story that I kind of told though the end is faulty.]

I know those beginning-of-a-new-relationship feelings usually mellow over time, but they shouldn’t disappear completely, should they? I don’t have unrealistic expectations. (Unrealistic fantasies and unrealistic fictional relationships in my stories… yes. Unrealistic expectations… no.) But I long for those feelings. At least a little. And I’m jealous that Mom gets to have that again. I can’t have that. Who the hell would want me, the walking disaster? And I’m not going to leave my husband anyway… and it sure as hell isn’t going to happen with him.

But that’s all just to explain the jealousy part. Back to Mom.

I’m wondering if these awkward feelings are ever going to pass… or will her new relationship always feel strange to me? Because it still does. Feel strange. Mom’s ‘friend‘ came up in conversation this weekend and I felt unsettled again.

And the thing is… I haven’t even met this guy! And I’m super-awkward meeting new people anyway. But I’m sure at some point… I’m going to meet him. What the hell is going to happen then?


©2017 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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31 Responses to mom’s boyfriend.

  1. magarisa says:
    11 July 2017 at 5:04 pm

    I don’t find the way you feel to be strange at all. When my sister told me she was pregnant, I felt jealous, not because I wanted to have a baby, but because the baby would take her away from me. That feeling went away after a while.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • what sandra thinks says:
      11 July 2017 at 5:16 pm

      Thanks. I know tons of people go through parents dating at a much younger age but I had no idea what it felt like. I’m hoping it passes.

      I can understand how you felt with your sister’s pregnancy, too. Want to hear something really bad? I was the first daughter in my family to have a baby… and when I found out that one of my sisters was pregnant (and later another of them), I was a little sad because I wasn’t special anymore. How awful is that!? Not that I wasn’t thrilled for them… not that I never wanted them to have kids. I just had no idea I’d feel that way. And I felt terrible for about it even though I kept it to myself!

      Liked by 1 person

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  2. redandgoldweb says:
    11 July 2017 at 5:14 pm

    Oh that is so sweet. Just be happy that your mom has found someone she deems to be worthy of her time, I’m sure your dad was super nice so she must have great taste. Hopefully you will like him all the more once you meet him, and even if you don’t, don’t hate on him, if he makes your mom happy he must have some good qualities.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • what sandra thinks says:
      11 July 2017 at 5:19 pm

      I really am very happy for her. My sisters and I all live an hour away or more… I love that she has friends and this guy. It’s nice to know there are people looking out for her who are right there… and it’s nice to know she’s happy. It just feels so weird to me! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. David says:
    11 July 2017 at 6:05 pm

    My Dad remarried after 5 years of widowhood at age 79. He and my stepmother had 11 beautiful years together before he died at age 90 in 2011. My stepmother will be 92 next month. We are very close. It worked out just fine,

    Liked by 2 people

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  4. sonofabeach96 says:
    11 July 2017 at 6:26 pm

    It is a strange thing. I remember after my parents divorced, I was about 7, my dad immediately moved in with my eventual step-mom. Talk about weird. But, over time, if they end up being together a while, you’ll get used to the idea. You may even like the guy. But right now? Perfectly normal to feel weird about the whole thing…including that bit of jealousy, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Meghan Tregellis says:
    11 July 2017 at 10:40 pm

    I’d feel weird about my mom dating someone but mostly I’d feel bad for the man! (Run! Run for your life!) Anyway, I think it won’t feel so weird after a while. The first meeting to break the ice etc.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Peter's pondering says:
    12 July 2017 at 6:35 pm

    I think it’s lovely that your Mom has someone special to share her life with, apart from you of course! I’m sure he’s not hoping to become your new Dad, probably not even hoping for a new wife, just hoping for a little loving companionship, understanding, and the occasional hug.
    Good luck with the first meet. Just accept him as a friend of your Mom. (and keep the gun loaded in the event that he should hurt her in any way!)

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. ladieswholunchreviews says:
    13 July 2017 at 1:39 pm

    I hope it gets less weird over time. My mom was widowed for 14 years and although there were gentlemen she ate with at her senior center, there was never anyone special. I don’t know how my brothers and sister and I would have reacted. I agree that the first meeting might be awkward, but good info for a story! Think of everything in those terms 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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    • what sandra thinks says:
      13 July 2017 at 1:45 pm

      You’re funny! And you’re right… it could be something fun to write into a story. I could make it funny, I bet, since I always seem to say the wrong thing in these situations… making inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times… 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  8. mandibelle16 says:
    17 July 2017 at 1:07 pm

    I think what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. This new friend of your Mom is taking your Dad’s place in a way. Your family is like ‘your family’ and know he’s changing it and it’s probably difficult to imagine your family without your Dad. I think the more you get to know this neighbour and friend of your Mom’s, that he just wants to make your Mom happy, and isn’t a threat but a good addition, you’ll eventually be okay. It will take time but that’s how these things are. Mom’s boyfriend has to prove himself first, I’m sure he’s aware of that.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. TechFlax says:
    8 October 2017 at 6:21 am

    I am happy that you made a smile on your mom face

    Liked by 1 person

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