[I hope you find humor in my rants… that’s the goal of bitchfest… laughter.]
h | half wall
I’m sure this title seems odd… but allow me to explain.
We have a half wall. It’s not literally a half wall… it’s more like a two-fifths wall (yes, I actually did the math). I don’t hate the half wall… this isn’t really about the half wall… I love the half wall. But the path to its existence… ugh.
Truthfully, this is a rant about my husband. And that conveniently also begins with h.
When we moved into our house, a few immediate changes were necessary. Gross pink floral wallpaper in the living room. Dark red dining room walls. Terrible light fixtures. And there was a strange wall situation. Two doorways without doors on either side of a solid section with a window-like opening toward the top, about 18” x 24”. I have no idea what they (whoever built the house, I guess) were trying to achieve, but they failed.
After staring at the weird wall for a few minutes, I had the solution. Pull out the middle part between the two openings. Then build a half-height wall (okay, two-fifths) that extends 4 or 5 feet from the edge of the kitchen, separating the dining area just a little. In the end, the whole area would be much more open and flow perfectly. I measured and drew a little picture. It was brilliant… not only would it get rid of the weird wall, but it would also look awesome.
‘You can build that,’ I told my husband. And he could. He’s handy like that.
But he didn’t like my idea. He told me it wouldn’t work… it would look weird… but there was no real reason… other than it was my idea. We have a little bit of an issue whenever we do a home improvement project. Because he’s really handy with tons of things around the house, he thinks he knows everything and I know nothing. And I fucking hate it. My ideas are brilliant!
Since we couldn’t agree on the weird wall, we moved on to other projects. Separate things. I painted… he did… whatever the fuck he did… until the day he came to me to tell me he figured out what to do about the weird wall.
“I think I should pull out that middle section. Open the whole thing up. And then build a short wall over here.” And he indicates the exact place I suggested we put the half (two-fifths) wall.
I stared at him for a minute but said nothing. Then my stare turned into a glare. And I was really proud of myself for what I said next because the words in my head were not nice. “Wow, yeah… that’s a great idea. I think we should do that.”
“Really? Because you sound a little sarcastic.”
“That’s because I suggested this exact same thing to you two weeks ago and you thought it was a terrible idea.”
“You did?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I drew you a goddamn picture!” And as I am a ridiculous packrat, I produced said picture. He was a bit speechless… but of course, I wasn’t. “I love how this is a great idea now that you think it’s yours… but when it was my idea, it was stupid. What the hell?”
“I guess it was a good idea.”
“Of course it was.”
To this day… and forever after… whenever my husband has some genius idea that I previously presented to him — an idea that came from my genius, not his (and it happens more than you’d think) — I stare at him with that ‘seriously??’ look on my face. And I say the same two words.
“Half wall.”
Y’all never forget ANYTHING!!! 😜
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Hell no! Especially not this. Even my kids know the whole story now… and they’ve said it to him, too! :D:D
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I swear, I have shit I said from 20 years ago lobbed at me during an argument from a month ago. It’s bizarre! How do y’all retain the most insignificant stuff?!? 😃
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Because if you piss us off, it’s significant to us… 😀 That’s my explanation… because in many other ways, my memory sucks!
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I suppose. Ya’ know, I try like hell not to piss her off. Makes my life immeasurably easier when she isn’t pissed at me. But she’s got a mind like a fucking steel trap, so, in spite of my best efforts, it still comes back to bite me in the ass when I have. 😃
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Haha. My memory sucks in that I’ll walk into the bedroom and forget why I went there… but stuff that really ticks me off seems to stay…
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No shit. I’d forget my name if it weren’t written in my underwear. It’s funny, the difference between guys and women. Guys don’t typically hold grudges…unless another dude makes a move on our girlfriend/wife. Then, it’s typically on, and not forgotten. Otherwise, two dudes can get into a brawl then be sitting at the bar having a beer together a half hour later. Well, nowadays, maybe not, as people are now apt to pull out a gun. But you get my point.
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I get it. 🙂
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Oh… and I should hope my husband tries not to piss me off… but I question that sometimes… 😛
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Ha! I bet my wife would say the same thing. 😏
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😃
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HAHHAHAHHAHHHAHHAH… I could tell you what my wife says to me but since yours is about your spouse. When my wife says something without thinking it through but goes on and on about how she is right and I, am so very, very wrong I say “Alaska”. I say it because once upon a time we had a two hour argument where she insisted Alaska was an island… Yep, cause on the map of the US…. well you get the idea.
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Hahaha… you know, and I’m REALLY not just saying this… I usually am right. I’d say a solid 85 – 90% of the time. He would probably disagree… but I’m right. 😀
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Yeah, I’m sure my wife and I think the same. 🙂
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The man is the head of the household…
….but it’s the woman that controls the neck? 😉
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He’s only head of household because I’m unemployed so I’ve got no money coming in. At least that’s what I think! I have great ideas… he should at least respect them… and not label them as his own! LOL He’s a boob.
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I’m not defending him…lol. I think you’re spot on here, sister! lol
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Oh, I figured! It’s worse when he rolls his eyes at my ideas/suggestions. Sometimes I’m sure he says no or does the eye thing just to piss me off. Yep, he’s a boob. 🙂
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Have you considered slapping him upside the head to see if his eyes roll around in there like marbles? 😀
I’m kidding of course.
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Of course I have! 😀 And this isn’t the worst thing he does either… I could have written a bitchfest post all about him. But it would have been too long. 😐
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But, did this one feel good to write? Feel better?
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Kind of… 🙂
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❤
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Thank goodness husbands are cute, right? They just don’t listen when we talk. Mine says he is, but not really…
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SAME HERE! If he is looking down at his phone, he is NOT listening. He cannot listen and read at the same time. Or listen and have eyes on the TV either. That drives me nuts! One day my daughter came home from school and told us that she learned about full-body listening. And then I turned and stared at my husband with the evil eye. 😀
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They can’t really multitask!
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They are not as advanced as women. 😀
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🙂
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Hahahaha! 😁
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🙂
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Always good to laugh at hubby’s expense. 😁
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He makes it so easy…
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Love it!
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🙂
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Oh my god …men! Don’t get me started on how they think they know FUCKING EVERYTHING. I wouldn’t be calling mine half wall…more like half wit! I find the only way to get shit done is to make them believe it was their idea in the first place. this isn’t too hard because they usually take the credit for all the good ideas anyway…as you pointed out so beautifully 😉
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Haha… I’m glad people can relate… but sorry we have to deal with it…! 🙂
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Ugh! Why don’t they listen to us?!? H does the same thing. He used to cut me off before I could even finish explaining what I was thinking. Love this post. I’m going to have to start documenting stuff for evidence!
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Oh… Mine does that, too… cuts me off and guesses what the rest is… and he’s often wrong. It’s very irritating!!
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And he hates it if I do it to him! 😡 Come on, man!
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Oh.. of course he does! Same here. I really really hate when someone tries to complete my thought for me. If they’re trying to guess what I’m going to say next, they can’t also be listening… not really. Wankers.
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Yes! Exactly!
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The. Half. Wall. 😂 I finally get to see it above. This wall is now famous. When I saw the half wall subject I busted out laughing. I can hear you now yelling “Half Wall!” You are hilarious! Great post 😏
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🙂 It’s even better when my kids join in and say it, too! 😏 I’m pretty sure he’s not too thrilled with me for that…
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