[Disclaimer the first: I am unapologetically opinionated. This is me… full-bitch mode… blunt and honest… ranting about things I hate. Please don’t be offended by anything I may say… it’s not personal. Except to me.]
[Disclaimer the second: I’m sorry my posts are too long. For a-to-z, the recommendation is somewhere around 300 words per post. I’m way off. I will try to rein it in a bit in my future posts.]
• • •
c | clichés
This is going to be really, um, bitchy. You’ve been warned.
I HATE clichés. And those fucking ‘motivational’ sayings… fuck yeah, they motivate me! They motivate me to beat the fuck out of whoever says them to me.
I don’t care if there’s a spec of truth in those clichés. They are awful. Painful. Trite. Not at all helpful. In fact, they are the opposite. When I feel like ass, nothing makes me feel worse than having clichés thrown at me. If you want to truly drive me over the edge, the one I’m usually barely hanging on to, go ahead and hit me with a cliché. But be careful… I might hit back.
I get that people are trying to be helpful… to be positive… to be encouraging. But clichés don’t accomplish any of that. They make me feel worse. So much worse.
Some of you may be tempted to respond to this post explaining why some of these are true, why they make sense, why they are valid and helpful. Not to be a bitch, but… to be a bitch… I don’t want to hear it. Maybe this stuff helps some people. In fact, I’m sure it helps some people. But it doesn’t help me.
Maybe I’m selfish (maybe?!), but if someone’s going to offer me some wisdom or advice, it really does need to be specific to me… to my situation. A sweeping generalization or someone else’s situation doesn’t help me.
It is what it is.
This is the single worst expression/cliché/platitude on earth. It is true, obviously. It is also completely meaningless and annoying as fuck.
Things could be worse. / Imagine how much worse it could be.
Thank you for that genius observation — things could be worse. No shit. And now you want me to imagine how things could be worse? Because you want me to feel even more miserable? Seriously… what is the point of this? To feel good because worse is possible? Guess the fuck what? Better is also possible.
If you can dream it, you can do it.
Can I, though? No. I cannot. To ‘do’ my dream, I’m going to need financial assistance and a fucking TARDIS. Just because I dream something doesn’t mean I have the means to make it real. Some things are just beyond our control.
Good things come to those who wait.
Tick fucking tock.
See the good in every situation.
Fuck that. Sorry, but some things do not have a good side. They just don’t. Silver lining, my ass.
God has a plan.
And that plan is to fuck me over.
You have to love yourself before anyone else will love you.
So no one has ever loved me. Thanks so much for telling me that. I feel amazing now.
I could list more… and tell you why they’re incredibly stupid. But I’m pretty sure you get the picture. And I feel like I’m going to vomit.
BUT…
… while I was painfully hopping around the internet to find the typical wording of some of this cliché bullshit, I came across something…
This is funny. It’s the closest I can get to motivational bullshit without injury or illness. Because it’s funny to me. And it speaks to the writer in me. It’s a metaphor. I can deal with that.
PLOT TWIST!
what sandra thinks 
Can I add one? Take a deep breath. 😀 I’m with you. I can’t stand cliches like the ones you had mentioned. They’re a crutch for when people don’t have any advice at all.
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Exactly! If you don’t know what to say, I’ll take a hug or something. ☺ Now take a deep breath… 😛
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Plot Twist! Love it! I’m gonna use that one 🙂
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Isn’t that great? ☺
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‘Plot twist’ – good one. Not cynical and not trite!
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I know! I was a bit shocked I saw something I didn’t totally hate! ☺
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😁
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We used to say going to plan b when some other horrible thing happened, but I like plot twist better!
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I’d be up to plan w or something… hahaha
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Yep!
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I heard once that I thought was perfect, “Sometimes life just fucks you in the ass”.
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That works…
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Lately, I’ve been trying to surround myself with positive thoughts…
….they’re having about the same effect as anyone else using them. 🙂
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I really do struggle with ‘positive thoughts’. I always feel like I’m lying when I say them to myself. What I find kind of helps me more is ignoring the negative thoughts as much as possible… but not necessarily replacing them with anything… because if I don’t believe the positive alternative, it sends me back to the negative. If I just try to escape the negative… I’m less likely to go back to it. Sometimes. 🙂
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Escaping the negative seems completely logical…
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Of course, not always possible… but I try. Also I think my newest med is helping…
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I’m afraid to take meds, but it has been suggested…
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It’s not easy to find the right thing (or things)… but right now, what I’m taking is helping a lot.
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I have this thing about stigma…
….which makes absofuckinglutely no sense, based on who I am.
Go figure!
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I wish I didn’t need anything… but I do. I’ve spent way too long blaming myself for not being able to make myself better without it… but I have an illness… and I wouldn’t expect to be able to cure my own cancer… so… why not have help with this, too? You know?
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yeah…that’s the way it was explained to me too.
It sounds like a cliché to me 😀 (I’m only kinda kidding)
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I’m sorry I know sometimes I can be a walking babbling idiot but I try to not sound cliche and talk about my experiences. I know for dam sure though that what works for some doesn’t work for all
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You don’t sound cliche… and you definitely don’t need to apologize! ☺
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Thanks. I know I’m having an emotional night again!
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Aww… hugs!! My bitch session for tomorrow… much lighter and kind of silly. 🙂
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The one I hate the most is “It will
happen when you least expect it.” No it won’t! Shut up! 😁 Fantastic post!
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Thanks!
That’s a good one. I mean, a bad one… that would have been good for this post. People used to say that to me all the time. Or… “You’ll find someone when you stop looking…” That sucks because who stops looking?? 🙂
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😡Usually “Smug Married” people would say that to me. Totally quoting Bridget Jones!
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Haha! 🙂
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I love plot twist! Best to stay away from my posts this month with all of my corny clichés! Lol! 😉
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No no no! I will not stay away! 🙂 I am totally good with your stuff! The cliché things that bug me are the ones like those I mentioned… the ones where I am struggling with something and someone says, “it could be worse,” or “everything happens for a reason,” or other such unhelpful things! Damn, my romance writing can be really corny… but it’s romance… how can it not be? 😀
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Lol! No worries! I agree with staying away from the “clichés ” to try to make someone feel better – depending on the situation. My favorite, or should I say the one I hate to hear is “be thankful that it could have been worse” when you already think that it is as bad as it can get… 😦
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Yes… because it feels like they’re telling you it’s not that bad… it’s like they’re minimizing your pain. Yeah… I hate that! 🙂
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Exactly!
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‘It’s not as bad as it seems’… Yeah, right! Maybe in your world, but in mine.. it’s downright hell. Don’t bullshit me with those lies that are designed to make a person feel better. It NEVER works!
Another great post!
~Mary
Jingle Jangle Jungle
#AtoZChallenge 1970’s Billboard Hits
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GAH! Same here! I have one friend who always uses cliches when I have a problem. Mostly the “God has a plan for you” one. Like I know he does, but can you offer some little bit of advice or comfort instead of thinking that those 6 words are ending our conversation?! I’ve stopped telling her what’s bothering me now, even if she asks me because I just can’t deal with the cliches she gives.
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Sometimes, it’s just painful. I know people really are trying to help but if all they can say is this crap, I’d rather just have a hug. Oh… and for someone like me… not even a little bit religious or even much of a believer… the “God has a plan” one kind of makes me want to scream!
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As someone who IS religious it makes me want to scream too. Or the “just pray about it”. Um no…I’m asking you for advice on the situation. If they have good intentions I try to let it slide as much as I can, but sometimes there is just a limit that I can’t get over haha
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I don’t think prayer will work for me. I’d probably burst into flames if I tried. lol
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HAHA! Just have someone standing near by with a fire extinguisher 😉
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😀
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Keep the Holy Water close by. Oh, you don’t have any of that on hand? I hear wine makes a good substitute 😉
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😃
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Hmmm. I may never again be able to comment on your posts. 😃
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Oh, shut up… you’re not that bad. Usually. 😀 Hahaha Oh my god, I hope you know I’m kidding! Seriously… you’re awesome and it’s like I said… some of these things help some people. Usually not me, but I know that they are said out of love… because people want to try. Please don’t stop commenting… that would be sad!!
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Hahaha! Don’t worry. I’m not goin’ anywhere soon. I’m certain you’ll want to take me out with a throat punch at least twice a week. 😃
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And that is why our friendship works so well online. LOL 😀
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Safe distance? 😃😃
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🙂 I’m pretty sure you’d be ready to kill me by now…
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Nah. I’m pretty sure we’d get along just fine…if I weren’t Susie Sunshine on a daily basis. 😃
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As long as you don’t expect me to be… 😛
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Of course not. I’d start to wonder if you’d lost your mind.
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So you don’t wonder that already??
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Nope. I think your mind is fantastic. Maybe s little over worked, but fantastic nonetheless. 😃
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Overworked is right. I need to try that gardening thing we briefly discussed… maybe that would clear my head…
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Well, a new perspective, at least. But beware the paranoia. I’m long since over that side effect, but if not a regular….. 😏
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I haven’t been a regular for a long time. It’s something in my life that needs to be corrected…
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I believe I’d be unbearable if not. It certainly helps with tolerance of people’s bullshit. Father’s little helper. 😃
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The problem is… (you can guess, maybe?) my husband. He has never partaken in his life (I don’t get it) and he seems to have this mentality that it’s far worse than it is. Fuck, I don’t even drink but once a year (Mom’s Christmas Eve spiked punch). I think this is so much better than that. Definitely not worse! I don’t have a ‘connection’ at this point… that’s really the only problem… because despite the husband thing, I’m not looking for permission. Although the vote here went the right way, I can’t pop in anywhere to get it like it’s a cup of coffee… yet……
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Man, I can’t wait for that day here. It’s so stupid. Kentucky has more plants than people, and has….forever. It’s just a matter of time though, no matter what the Reefer Madness crew thinks.
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I’m just waiting for the cafes… funny that my stupid husband knows a guy… but he won’t ask him for me! Possession is not even illegal anymore!
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Now see, that’s just mean. 😠
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It’s the guy that told him I looked hot one day. Maybe that’s why. Ahahaha
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Yeah, I’d have a bit of an issue with that too. But not enough of one to prevent a purchase or two. 😃
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But wtf… not like my husband tells me I’m hot. I have to take it where I can get it! (Which sounds really really bad!)
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Well, I get that too. If he’s that worried about it, make it s point to make you have zero interest in anyone else. As a guy though, I trust no male. They will try, irregardless of me. But, I trust my wife. Maybe I’m naive, but I don’t worry about her at all.
Maybe that’s what would spur a change! Jealousy can alter attitudes.
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I seriously doubt the husband is worried anything would happen. I doubt his friend would even try… but I rarely see him. Only at a work thing at my husband’s office. But anyway… obviously I need some friends…!
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Just spit ballin’. We guys have a way of hiking our leg when threatened, ya’ know?
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PREACH!!! 😂😂😂 Oh how I hate these, too. Even if someone means well, just tell me you don’t know what to say instead of saying something trite. I also hate the ones about hard work and sacrifice because god dammit I work pretty fucking hard! Hello? Where’s my big payoff? 😠 I’m loving the bitchfest!
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Yeah, I’m still waiting for the payoff for all the shit I’ve done… and been through. But no… I just seem to be jinxed instead. Yay.
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I hear you. It seems like some people can fall in shit and still come up smelling like roses. Hang on… cliche, I know! I’d fall in shit, slip and roll down the hill into the sewage plant. Sigh… or rather: ewwww
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Yes. My husband had a friend like that. I’m a bitch but… he was kind of a loser in many ways… but everything always went right for him. It made me sick! Why am I cursed??
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You’re not cursed. I swear it’s just that some people have bravado or no fear of failure and it gets them through
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But it really does seem that things always go right for them. I don’t know how that happens… no fear or fear or anything else! If I’m in the checkout line and there’s a prize for the thousandth customer, I guarantee it’ll be the person right in front of or right behind me. LOL
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It must be chemical or something because I can’t see a logical explanation!
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And people wonder why I’m so irrational… lol
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ZOMG Corporate America is, I’m convinced, one big honkin’ verbal platitude quilt, held together with spreadsheets and powerpoint presentations.
“It is what it is” = It means you’re not taking any responsibility or action to do anything different. It’s resignation. AND I WILL CUT YOU FOR SAYING IT. grr
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Hahaha! I really hate when people say that. Just shut up. Ugh…!!
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