Fuck, I’m tired. I’m just not capable of falling asleep at a decent hour anymore. I’ve been meaning to change that… guess I should get on it. But exhaustion aside, I have to get in the shower. I have to dress myself in business attire. I do not miss that.
Hm. Maybe I do miss it a little. These pants fit great. I look good in these. Wow… I really thought I was being frivolous when I bought these dress-up shoes (yes, my brain really does use words like ‘dress-up’), but they are so comfortable. I should dress up every day. *laughter* Riiiiight.
Google Maps better not be fucking with me. When the hell is there no traffic from here to there? I used to work one exit away. I know how it is. Seriously, Google, totally traffic-free? It’s not that I don’t love you, Googs (I call him Googs)… I’m just not sure I trust you.
This is ridiculous. Why am I leaving at 10am for an 11am appointment along a path that Google claims will only take 20 minutes? Because you’re paranoid and anxious. Because you’re worried that if something can go wrong, it will. I really need to stop looking at my past to guess my future. Hm. That was profound. Oh my god… I think I just made up a cliché. I am dead to me.
Holy crap, this parking lot is packed! Am I at a car dealership? Am I going to have to wait for someone to purchase a fucking car to get a spot? Someone please buy the pretentious BMW near the door. No… okay fine… I wouldn’t want it either. Ooh I see something… it’s a good sign. Like, literally a good sign… that reads ‘free garage parking’. My favorite kind of garage parking!
Aw hell… am I going to have to drive up to the fucking roof for a spot? Wait. I see brake lights. Ugh… dude… pleeease continue to pull out as slowly as humanly possible. (Hm. That was not profound. But a little dirty.)
Okay… got my parking spot. And now I’m going to sit here and catch up on a few emails. I know, I know. I said I was in a hurry. But the appointment isn’t for another 40 minutes. A little early is okay. Good even. But 40 minutes is a bit much…
Damn… these shoes are really really comfortable! I love them.
Is that a Dunkin’ Donuts? Of course it is. I’m in MA… it’s disconcerting if one does not appear before your eyes every 3 to 5 miles. But this one is in the office building. There’s no mistaking that pink D-shaped door handle… a mere 10 steps from the building’s entrance. How convenient. But this is the agency… not a prospective workplace. Unless the agency is a prospective workplace. I don’t think so. And with normal commute-time traffic, this 20-minute trip would take me twice that… maybe even more. Not horrible but…
It’s a beautiful building. Lots of glass. Kind of intimidating. To me, anyway. The elevator talks. Am I being watched? 6th floor. I think I’ll turn left since I have no idea which way to go. Good guess… Here it is with its floor-to-ceiling glass door and walls.
Thanks, nice lady who greeted me, but I don’t think I can have coffee while I wait. I’m a little anxious. Oh, it would probably have no impact. My caffeine tolerance is gigantic, but why risk it?
Ms. Recruiter is so nice… non-intimidating. What a relief. I had no idea what to expect. Someone I used to work with gave me her name and contact info… I knew nothing else about her.
I really hate that my last job is so difficult to label. I was there for over 10 years. By the end, I was doing about 20 different things… because I was good at anything they threw at me… and I was quick and efficient so they threw a lot at me. She understands. But I worry about her seeing the date I last worked… and the “mom” explanation for it. But she is unfazed.
What do I want to do? What things did I like most? She’s writing all sorts of things down. I think I’m talking too much. Shut up. But still, the big things… big to me, anyway. Location… schedule… money. I knew I was asking too much. But… again, she is unfazed. She doesn’t think it’s unrealistic to find something in the location I want… something that’s not just a little piece of what I used to do… something I might even like.
I don’t know if anything will come of this. I could hear from her in the next couple weeks or it could be months. Or she may never find anything for me at all. But she sounded optimistic. Granted, compared to me, everyone sounds optimistic…
[And I still feel like it’s pretty sad that doing a ‘normal’ thing like this is such a triumph for me…]
Oh… and of course, before I left, I bought myself a big fat cup of coffee at that uber-convenient in-building Dunkin’… and I even resisted donuts. Fuck, that’s two huge accomplishments…!
Loved that. Stream of consciousness, original. It’s a great description of something so mundane as a job interview.
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Thank you.
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I dig the play-by-play thing. Glad you made it through unscathed. You know, when she does call back, and she will, I hope it’s something you do enjoy. I firmly believe that getting back out there, getting the positive vibes and confidence that comes from doing a good job, and simply being back working, will all lead to your feeling better about yourself and your future. Not that being a mom isn’t a tough job, but you don’t always get the pats on the back you most certainly deserve, and that we all crave. Work kinda sucks sometimes, of course. But it’s good for us. Makes us feel useful and integral and confident. I seriously don’t want to sound condescending, but, I’m proud of you! 😊
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Thanks. ☺ I have a lot of trouble being optimistic (surprise!), but I’m trying…
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Think positive! This could be a great thing. And, I’m still proud of you. 😃👍🏻
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Feeling like a proud mom here. Fly, my little chick…Fly! 🙂
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Thanks, Diane. ☺
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You did it! This is great news! You will get a call, I’m sure. The first hurdle is behind you. And your shoes are awesome! So happy right now!!! 😘🌷
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I felt good after… and yesterday, too. But the guilt and anxiety is back today… and all the other crappy stuff in my life keeps trying to take over. There’s always something. Feels like I’m not allowed to have good days. I really hate that!
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Well you had two good days. That’s a start. More to come. This was a huge move for you. Don’t discount what you accomplished after everything you’ve been through.
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That’s definitely the problem in my head… as soon as I accomplish something, I dismiss it and go back to all the bad things… Sigh… I’m so sick of me…
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Well at least you know it’s in your head. Being aware of it is a good thing.
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Ooo! YES! I am so glad that it went so well with those two major accomplishments! I’m not sure I could have done both of those things…the interview probably but skipping the donut? Doubtful haha! So proud of you missy!
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Thank you… The donut thing is a problem… because this was 2 days ago and I still want one. That’s why I’m usually all about the drive thru…
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Haha oh no!! You should totally just go and treat yourself if you are still craving it
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That may snowball… because I could probably eat a half dozen……
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Oh goodness me too! Tuesday I took the kidlets to get a donut before karate, and while in the shop I only got 2 timbits cos I knew that I could eat at least one donut myself haha. But their granny has been saying how much weight I have been apparently loosing so I’m trying to be good and keep it off haha! But I did get a cappuccino (and won on the roll up rim! WOOHOO).
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I swear, you are the luckiest person I know!
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Lol i think the luck-free year in Korea is just catching up to me
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I still don’t know how to explain my luck-free life. I’m not sure I have enough years left for that to balance out!
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Aww! Maybe your luck will come back to you in a HUGE MASSIVE way to make up for it? Have your purchased any lottery tickets lately? lol
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No… I’d just feel guilty spending $ on them and losing…!
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Yeah same here!
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Woo-hoo! Sounds like you nailed it. No, really. You got there in plenty of time (not late = gold star), resisted Dunkin’ Donuts (Before. And after. 😀 ) And you did it. Just. Yes! Love the way you wrote this, too. Congrats and good luck!
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Thank you so much. I just hope she can find me something… that doesn’t suck, preferably… ☺
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You met with a recruiter AND resisted the donuts? Incredible! 😁😁
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Thank you. I still can’t help wondering if people who don’t know me think I’m pathetic because this is so hard for me… It shouldn’t be! I wish I’d stop chastising myself even after an accomplishment!
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Well, I for one am really proud of you. 😊
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☺
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Good luck, Sandra!! I never trust google drive times either! 😄
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This time… it was actually accurate! But I’m sure you can see why I’d doubt anything that tells me the no traffic around here! ☺
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Yeah, no kidding. I actually know that building, lol. If it’s the same one…
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Oh, you probably do know it! 😃
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Fuck! I’m so proud of you! You deserved that gigantic cup of coffee from DD fo sho! That wasn’t so bad was it? One under your belt and I hope many more to come. You’ll find something, I just know it. I just hope it’s something you really like and enjoy. Whoever lands you, will be thrilled! Hugs Sista! Happy Friday too!
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Thanks! I can always count on you to be crazy excited! 🙂 I was really nervous… my throat kind of went dry. But thankfully, she was nice and easy to talk to. The other place I had called never called back. WTF? It was so hard for me to call the first time and now I have to try again? Or does this mean that agency sucks? I don’t know… it’s a pretty major one. It would be nice if this woman I met found something for me and I never had to call anyone else! 🙂 xo ♥
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Wishing you tons of luck! 💙
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🙂
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GAAAAAH. I miss donuts.
But this is awesome. I know how much energy that all takes….Kudos.
The shoes – Clarks?
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Thanks! The shoes are Earth Origins. 🙂
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I was close!!!
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