Maybe I’m wallowing. But I haven’t been completely miserable. But I do have too many things weighing on me right now. More than I’ve posted. (You’re welcome.) I’ve had moments of inexplicable breakdown… yet moments of genuine laughter. I know I’m broken. I’ve given up the idea of ‘fixing’. Instead, I’m trying to figure out how to live with myself… because it has become clear to me that there is no ‘fix’.
The balance isn’t there… or when it is… it’s fragile… it’s delicate. And it breaks.
And then there’s the matter of trust. How can anyone expect it to remain when it’s been betrayed? It doesn’t just regenerate when it’s been severed. Why would someone bother pretending to be a friend only to tell me half-truths? Why keep me in his/her life at all? Just to have someone to lie to? Just to have a human doormat?
I don’t know about you, but I want friends I can trust… and who trust me. If I wanted secrets and lies and dishonesty, I’d go into politics. [Shudder] So don’t pretend to care… or pretend to be sincere. Be honest… be true to me… or don’t bother with me at all.
So why’d you fill my sorrow
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place you’ve known?
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you?
Why’d you sing with me at all?
what sandra thinks 
Sorry you are going through a rough time. I hope things get lighter soon ❤ I LOVE Damien Rice. He has so much emotion in his voice.
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Yes! Listening to him seems to help me relax. Sometimes… ☺
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yet another artist I have never heard of. thanks for the introduction!
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He is REALLY mellow… so he’s not for everyone… but I think he’s amazing.
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No i really liked it! His voice is so soothing.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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I have never heard of Damien Rice. I liked this song. He is soothing. Which you totally need sometimes. Sorry about the wallowing – I get that. Maybe being broken or fixed is just a perspective thing. Who’s to say what fixed or broken means… And you should be no one’s doormat. I hope there is a way to remove them from your life. ❤
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I think I allow the doormat thing to happen because I don’t want to lose anyone… so I guess that part is kind of on me. But it shouldn’t even come up, you know?
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No it shouldn’t. But hanging on to someone like that is really worse than letting them go. Sure the severing of the relationship will cause some pain, but it will be over with. Keeping them around gives them the opportunity to keep on hurting you.
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I guess that’s true. I really need to stop blaming myself for everything…
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Yes, you do!
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Too bad I’ve done that my whole life… making really really hard to change…
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I know. 😦
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This…X11 gazillion! 😃
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Interestingly, if you are feeling like a doormat to someone and you are afraid of losing them… you never really had them in your life in a positive healthy way to begin with more than likely. I know you’ll do what’s best for you when you’re ready.
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You make it all sound so logical. Of course, my stupid brain doesn’t translate it that way. I need a transplant. 🙂
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GOD I know… I hate when I make it sound “simple as 1-2-3” because I also know that is never the case… So I don’t mean to make it sound like all you have to do is follow these 10 easy steps to a great life. No such thing really. It was really meant to just give a little different spin on it. I think I use this approach often to make decisions I used to hate… but (and this is a BIG but), I’ve practiced it so long that it’s my default now. In any case, there are always situations that come up where I still struggle quite a bit…and then I resort to terrible decisions. So yeah… not always as effortless as it sounds.
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Oh no… I didn’t think you were trying to make it sound simple. Just that my brain has trouble seeing things logically like that most of the time. So I envy you! And I feel like it shouldn’t be so hard… you know? Struggling so much with some things makes me feel incredibly weak…
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I definitely know what you mean
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I saw Damien Rice in concert a few years back… my wife had got us second row seats as a birthday gift. One of the best live performances I’ve ever seen… I too am in a Damien Rice place at the moment. Here’s hoping for something lighter, happier coming soon for both of us ❤
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Yes… I’ll drink to that! Although I rarely drink… I’ll just have coffee. 🙂
I’ve never seen him live but I’ve enjoyed his music for years. I’m glad to know he’s as good live as I imagined. Plus I’ve watched on youtube. ❤❤
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I’ve had precisely half a bottle of prosecco this year… for some reason had been thinking last night whether I’d had a drink this year! Makes me a cheap date, I guess 🙂
Damien did this wonderful thing of getting fans to leave their seats/allotted rows and come down to the front, singing without a microphone directly to them… the stewards were incensed! More passion, fewer rules…
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Oh that’s perfect! I wish I had been there. And I am also a cheap date… ☺
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It has its uses sometimes 😉
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Liars suck. Better to not have them then to have them there under false pretenses. Someone lying to you isn’t on you, it’s on them. They’re the asshat in this scenario, not you.
That said, accepting it, which encourages it to happen more often, is on you. Don’t let them drag you in to the muck.
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