I seem to be in a place of abundant emptiness. Yes, I do see the contradiction.
I have thoughts running around inside my head… some I’ve made notes of… some I cannot understand. And through all of this, I have written nothing. No fiction, no poetry, no deep thoughts. Nothing.
I struggle to read… I can’t keep up… I feel guilty as hell. I struggle to write… to accomplish anything. I haven’t posted and I feel that I’ve disappointed people (or just bored them to death). I hate that feeling. I am all too familiar with disappointing myself but I hate when I disappoint others.
The irony is that my messed up head has actually been letting me feel a little better lately. I would think that would help me get things done. But… not so much.
It’s weird that I feel overwhelmed and exhausted trying to keep up with what I have to do for the holidays since I can’t do most of what I’d normally do. I try to give myself time to just sit and write because I feel the need to… but I can’t do it. Something screams at me… something else I need to do.
I’m distracted anyway. I’m too distracted by other things pulling at me… so I can’t write. I’m too distracted by the thoughts and scribbles I have for writing… so I can’t deal with the other things pulling at me.
I’m not sure how to break out of this. I’m all over the place but I need to visit one place at a time. Not sure why I can’t just do that.
Maybe I’ll be able to do something useful soon. Post something worth reading. I’m trying not to give up on me. I hope you won’t give up on me either.
Trying to let these wise words guide me…
Not giving up, nope. Don’t you either. 😊
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Not giving up… just feel like I need a break from… something. 🙂
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Oh shit, I feel like that all the time. But most of what I need a break is of my own creation, so I really have nobody else to blame. 😃
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Oh… I’m sure most of mine is my own creation, too. Or it’s at least blown out of proportion by my brain… 🙂
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It’s that damn human condition shit. It’s hell being cursed with self awareness. 😃
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Really. I totally wish I could turn it off sometimes!
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Yep. 😏
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As long as you don’t give up, and don’t stress, everything will balance back out.
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I know it’s a stressful time of year and I do know it’s not totally me… I just get very frustrated when my head sends me in so many directions that I accomplish anything! Thanks for being here… for being a friend.
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Always. I’m going through the same thing. I’m giving myself until the end of the year and I’m forcing my butt back in the chair to edit. I’m hoping my mind will work itself out by that point.
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I do think once xmas is over, I’ll feel less pressure. Maybe part of it is that I’d like to ignore all of that and lock myself in a room to write… but I can’t… not right now.
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Me too. I want to so bad I can’t stand it, but if I start now, I’ll get caught up on the holiday activities and those gaps will make the edit more difficult. When you can’t consistently get your head in the story, you start to lose the sense of what’s been covered and the feel of it. I risked that for my last book and needed to do one more edit before releasing it. Though, depending on how my stress levels go, I might be able to finish plotting the next book so it’s ready to go when the edit is done. Maybe there’s something like that you can do in the mean time?
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That’s a great idea. I need to organize my thoughts. Of course, I have no idea if anything of mine will ever turn into an actual book…!
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You’d be surprised.
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You will figure out what you need, just be sure to let yourself. Be patient with you, and let yourself off the hook as far as the expectations go, especially for here. We aren’t going anywhere, nor does anyone expect the same as you expect from you. Love to you, Sandra.
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I sure hope that came out as I intended!
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I think so!
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Oh thank you, Kay. I know I put too much pressure on myself… that’s always been one of my “things”. I find it difficult to let that go… And it’s a no-win because even if I met my own expectations, I’d have new ones so fast I’d still think I’m not done! Thanks for being here… and being so sweet. ❤
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Me too. Not one of my best things, as it often sets me up for failure and keeps me from seeing the glaringly positive parts. It’s a constant, conscious effort for me to recognize that voice…and choose not to listen when it’s not being rational or reasonable. I seek permission not to listen to her, even, and help seeing flip side when my vision is too tunneled (sounds kooky, I know). Anyhow…I relate, and I wish you well in conquering that voice. I think one of the most positive things to come of it is humility. It keeps me humble. ❤️
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It’s the big thing I’m working on… with help. I really hope I can train myself to think differently. Thanks again for your thoughts. ♥
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💜😘
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Ron Swanson wisdom – I love it! Self imposed pressure can be worse than outside pressure and I think you convince yourself (not you personally ‘you’ in general) that your expectations are the same as what everyone else expects, too. And they’re not! This time of year is busy enough without adding writing, blogging, commenting pressure to the mix. Give yourself a break and enjoy the kids being home and time with family. We’ll all be here when you’re ready! xo
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I know I do it to myself… And I expect way more of me than anyone else does. Well, except maybe the kids but that’s because they think I am Supermom and I can do anything… it’s not really expectation our pressure.
Seriously, today I just finished cleaning a bit… Still have to jump in the shower (not literally… I do not jump) then I have to go to CVS, then the supermarket. Pick up one kid at the regular time… go home… go back out and pick up the other after his after school activity. Get them off their respective devices so the do whatever homework they have. Try to work on a self-designed Christmas card I should have mailed at least a week ago and get those in the mail asap. Make dinner. Clean up after dinner. Convince the kids that bedtime is, in fact, the same time as it was last night and all the nights before. Then… perhaps by 9:30-ish, I will sit on the couch with my laptop and try to read or write… but not unless that card is done and ready to mail. And if I don’t fall asleep! Oh… and John is on vacation now until after the new year (2 weeks)… So at times, he’s driving me nuts. But… maybe I can get him to pick up the kids…
Ahh… well… I’d better get off my ass now and get going… only 3-ish hours until I have to get the first kid…
Thanks for your support and friendship. Maybe it’s pathetic, but I need you guys. xo
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Ah that’s enough on your plate! Are you going to let us have a peek at the card? Hint, hint… And boy do I get how disruptive it is to have your husband home! I love being with him, but my whole routine is thrown out the window. And then he tries to be helpful and I end up feeling bad for not having it all done already. Sheesh… Yeah, send him for the kids at least! And your friendship is a blessing to me. One of the things I am grateful for in looking back at 2016! So if you’re pathetic, so am I! xo
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Yes on the card. I will post (with blurred or no photo of the kids because I’m paranoid like that). Actually, I made 2 but one I doubt I’ll use. I’ll post both, though…
Yes… When he’s home it totally throws me off. And I bet I don’t love being with mine as much add you love being with yours. (Probably an understatement!) And I get SO frustrated that there are a ton of home projects he always says he can’t get to when he’s working… Now he’s off and he’s really not doing much of anything. Argh!! One of these days you’re going to see me on the news. For something. Well, probably not since you’re not local…
Friends here is one of the very few things I’m thankful for in 2016. But overall, 2016 has sucked monkey balls.
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Yep, this time of year sucks in that there’s so much going on, and time seems to fly by like a greased pig sliding down an icy ski run, so it never seems to feel like you can catch up. Sometimes when I feel like that, I take a walk where there are lots of trees. And I think of nothing but how pretty the trees are. It just seems to quiet my mind. And I swear to God I’ve literally hugged trees just to feel anchored by both the tree and Mother Earth.
Sometimes all we need is that quiet strength of Nature to help us find our center.
And remember, the holidaze only last a couple weeks. Grab your board and surf through the chop. We’re here for you, and a lot of us go through mental chaos, too. Okay, group hug! 😀
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Love the greased pig analogy! I accidentally took the long way when I did my errands (clearly distracted) but I think it was good. Forced me to drive around town… peaceful except for my singing to the music. Not quite as close to nature as tree-hugging, but I think it helped. I remember being a little kid and being so excited for Christmas I couldn’t sleep… those were the days! Jeez, I’m old! Thanks, as always, for your thoughts and kindness. 🙂
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I’m not giving up on you, Sandra! ♥
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You’re a good friend to me… and I’m glad you’re here. ♥
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💞😊
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Take a break and come back when you are ready…💕
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Thanks, love ♥
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I’m not giving up at all but I also have no expectations for you to be a super poster/commenter right now. I felt like crying all day today so I know the pressure is real. It just gets overwhelming, and you have even more on your plate. Big hugs, Sandra. I hope you give yourself a break. ❤ ❤
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I’m trying. I’m still mad at myself for slacking off for so long on my yearly self-designed Christmas card… I’m hoping I finish tonight so I can mail them tomorrow. (I know, mailed cards… I’m old. But I LOVE designing them…) Even if they go out tomorrow, I have no idea if anyone will get them before the 25th. Oh well… surprise on the 26th, I guess. Thanks for sticking with me. ♥ I think I’m going to have some ice cream now. Then I have to finish this card thing…!
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I haven’t done cards for years now, lol. I’m thinking about doing an e card this year but even that might be too much, lol. So at least you’re doing one! 😀 Enjoy your ice cream!
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The fancy cards I design (along with kids’ party invitations) are a thing for me. I’ve always done it… It’s expected now. I did my wedding invitations… and my sister’s… baby announcements… all kinds of things like that. I really enjoy it but this year I procrastinated way too much!
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You should sell them on Etsy. I used to buy them on there.
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I’ve thought about doing that. I guess I could offer custom work… or I’d have to get some ready before someone buys then and expects them to be delivered before long! I have a focusing issue… I think of lots of things I should try but I never quite get there…!
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Some people offer just the design and the people print their own or offer the finished product. And yes, I’ve customized with someone too. I bet you could do that!
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I have to look further into it… when I’m not being totally lazy… 🙂
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I think we all get to a place where we feel guilt over not being able to keep up. I find when I hit that place, I need to give myself permission to just slack. Let a few things slide, or just take a break for a little bit from an activity. It’s hard to do that. I make a list of everything I need to do and then just focus on one thing at a time. At first, I feel super agitated over not doing the others but afterwards, I feel much better. Maybe something like that might help? Maybe focusing on just getting through the holiday stuff will allow you to relax a little and then be able to write again?
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I probably need a list of the holiday stuff, too… because I keep trying to do all of that at once. I am totally slacking in some areas… I just hate that I am. And I want to do the stuff I like and skip the rest but I can’t do that!
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Give yourself persmisson to slack! its ok to slack 🙂
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I’ve gotten a little too good at it… 🙂
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Hehe! Thats ok too 😉
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