This is part 20 of secret admirer. ♥ [Late again… sorry, loves.]

[Previously posted: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19]

part 20.

Black dress. I wore the one I hated because after that day, I knew I’d never want to see it again. Maybe I shouldn’t have come at all. Maybe Donna had a point. No, not her reasons for wishing I hadn’t come. But damn, I do not want to be here. Oh… look at her sitting over there. So smug and self-righteous… Bitch.

When Donna saw me arrive, she glared at me like I’d just kicked her dog. I think she actually expected me to respect her wishes and stay away. Fuck her. I could not let her take my absence an admission of guilt. Because I was not guilty. And he was my husband. My lying, cheating husband, but still.

Ugh, when is this going to be over? I’m ready for it to be over… now. We had already spent nearly an hour inside the church before we arrived at the cemetery. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could bear Donna’s glares.

She didn’t want me here. Why can’t she just ignore me? I bet she knows Dan was no angel. She just wants to blame me for everything. She is such a… Oh… yes. Finally. Amen.

I turned to my mom beside me. Before I spoke a word, she nodded to me. She knew I wanted to leave. Immediately.

But that was not to be.

“Hello, Amy. So nice of you to be here.” Oh, the sarcasm.

“I did say I’d be here, Donna.” Bitch. Even Dan’s father, by Donna’s side, looked horrified. They lost their son. And she wanted to attack me.

“I thought…” she paused and looked around. When she continued, she spoke louder, “… you would stay away since you were cheating on my son.”

I had no idea how many people heard her words. But she was loud. I should have turned and walked away. I should have let her live her lie. But I just couldn’t do it. And when I responded, I was sure to match her volume.

“Do you really want do this now? Here?” Please say yes…

“Yes, Amy. Right now. We’re going to do this right now. Don’t you think everyone should know the truth?”

Oh perfect. “Yes, I do. Everyone should know I caught Dan cheating. I was never unfaithful. I caught him… in my own damn kitchen!” I heard a few gasps around me but I wasn’t finished. “Everyone should know he was with her that night. His indiscretion killed him… and her.” Oh my. Was that over the line? Oh, fuck it. Too late now.

“How dare you make these ridiculous accusations… especially today!?”

“How dare you accuse me? How dare you treat me like garbage… every damn day since the moment we met?!” More gasps. But I still wasn’t finished. “Go ahead and believe whatever helps you sleep at night… But I know the truth.”

I was so angry I didn’t even realize I was crying until Mom handed me a tissue.

“Amy, come on. We should go.”

“Mom, no. I am not going to let her chase me away. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction.” And I’m glad she’s still listening to my every word.

I wiped the tears from my face and took a deep breath. “I am going to say goodbye to Dan. I just want a minute. I’ll be right back.”

I mumbled to Dan, words no one would ever hear… except maybe Dan. I’m not happy things ended this way. I wanted an ending but not this one. Goodbye Dan.

When I turned away from Dan, I was met with quite a scene. Donna was feigning some sort of illness, grabbing her husband for support. Drama queen. I took a few steps toward Mom who stood closer to the ‘show’. I could hear Donna. ‘How could she talk to me like that?’ Ugh. I wanted to spit. But my thoughts were interrupted when one of Dan’s coworkers approached.

“Hey… Amy… I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks, Tony. How are things going at the office?”

“It’s awkward.”

I didn’t mean to be rude to Tony but I turned away for a moment to see Donna, standing just a few yards away, obviously listening to my conversation. I sighed and turned back to Tony. “Yes, I’m sure it’s strange with Dan just… gone.”

“It’s not that. Amy… we all knew. I really thought you knew, too. I’m so sorry.”

“What?”

“Dan got caught at work. He wasn’t careful about hiding his, uh, extracurricular activities. He snuck out of the office with her… the night of the accident. And karma’s a bitch.”

Oh Tony, you are my new best friend. Donna had to have heard that. All of it.

I turned to Donna. Oh, she definitely heard Tony’s every word. The stunned look on her face… oh, she heard. I shouldn’t rub it in. I don’t want to be a complete bitch. Well, maybe I do. But I won’t. I gave Donna my I-told-you-so face. And I looked at Dan’s father apologetically. But he didn’t look angry or stunned. He politely nodded to me. I think he already knew.

When I turned away from Dan’s family and headed toward Mom, I couldn’t keep from smiling. I am a horrible person. But, damn, Donna deserved that.

Mom was trying not to smile, too, but she was only mildly successful. When I reached her, she put her arm around my shoulders and spoke softly for my ears only. “Well… that went well.”

“Mom!”

We quietly walked away, meeting sympathetic glances along the way. And I still tried not to smile.

Until I discovered him… and his perfect smile.

To be continued…

This post is part 20.
Previously posted: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19.

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