Give it and get it.
I suppose this is my way of saying “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” without saying those words. I cannot use that quote seriously because a friend of mine from a long time ago – I think 7th grade – made this line so funny I always think of him when I hear it… and I laugh.
A teacher of ours began the line… “do unto others…” and when she looked to the class to complete the thought, Tommy spoke up and said “before they do unto you!”
Maybe something is wrong with me, but I found this so amusing. Ahh, yes, the Golden Rule – get them before they get you!
Back to our regularly scheduled program…
Give it and get it.
I want people to be nice to me… so I try to be nice to everyone. Even people who annoy the fuck out of me. I have trouble sometimes when I encounter stupid people. I have a VERY low tolerance for stupidity. But still, I try. Okay, I’m totally off topic again. I should probably edit this when I’m done. But I’m sure I won’t.
Give it and get it.
In last week’s perk, I mentioned a few things that make me happy. This week, I realized that a couple of special things make me more than happy. And they’re words. As a writer (I still feel weird calling myself that… why? I write constantly!), I already know the impact words can have, the emotions they bring to life. But I never really connected that to my reality quite like this.
I’m sure I’m making no sense at all and don’t know how to explain myself but I’ll try. When these words are expressed to me… for me… they affect me internally. They do something for me on a different level than the happiness of wonderfully unexpected emails and the sound of my kids laughing. They may sound like ordinary words but they make me feel so good. I never realized just how deeply until recently. I think it’s because these words have rarely been spoken (or written) to me in my life. (Not saying that because I feel sorry for myself – not at all – just an honest observation.)
I’ve been thinking about this and it has made me wonder if I do this for anyone. Do I say things that give someone that warm, wonderful feeling inside? I’ve become extra-conscious of everything I say… because I want to be a person who makes others feel this thing-I-cannot-explain. And I believe that if I give it, I will get it. And I want it.
Beautiful.
I’m not an egotistical person. If you’ve been around here for a while, I’m sure you know I’m quite the opposite. I have received some lovely compliments in my life for both my internal and external qualities. But there’s one word that feels special. Although it’s most commonly used as a superficial, external adjective, it’s means more than that to me. Beautiful. I don’t hear it often – I’ve gone years without anyone using it to describe me in any way. But when someone does use it, I feel… well, beautiful… in every way.
I miss you.
These words are not uncommon at all. But can’t you just tell when someone really means them? I think I can. And I love the way they make me feel.
I want you to notice… when I’m not around… (Radiohead | Creep)
Everyone wants to feel special. And knowing that someone notices when I’m not around… that makes me feel special [so fucking special… (thanks Radiohead)]. And I make sure to tell people when I notice they’re not around… and tell them I miss them. And tell them they’re so fucking special… to me.
Had to choose a version that’s not “cleaned up”… ‘very’ does not have the same impact as ‘fucking’…
what sandra thinks 
You remind me so much of myself!
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Well, I take that as a huge compliment… so thanks!
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You’re welcome. You’re a much cooler me. Ha
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I don’t know about that! Older, yes, I’m pretty sure, but cooler…not sure about that! But thank you again… ♥
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Ha-ha. You’re welcome xx
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This is so true. Words are so powerful. And, hearing the words “you’re beautiful” or “I love you” or “I’ve missed you” are especially strong, if they’re said with sincerity. I hope you start hearing these things. We all should. I will say this though, I’d notice if you suddenly weren’t around here. Just sayin’. 😃
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Aww, thanks… that’s very sweet! I did not mention “I love you” here because it seems (in my life anyway) that it has become such an automatic thing to say that it rarely, if ever, sounds special or meaningful anymore. I’m sure it’s probably sincere most of the time… but it really doesn’t have the same impact on me at this point as the other two… kind of sad, I guess.
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I’d rather not hear it if it’s just “words”, or out of habit. I sincerely hope all of that changes. I hope he does feel that way, just doesn’t know how to say it. I get it. I used to be such a loner and distrustful of anybody that it scared the shit outta me to let someone in, expose myself, and be that vulnerable. Even with, or especially with, my wife. I’ve always loved her to bits, and that made it even scarier. Maybe he’s just scared. Does that make sense? It probably sounds like bunk.
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I know what you’re saying… but at this point, I don’t think it’s fear or anything like that… I think it’s just been a long time and everything gets taken for granted… like you don’t have to think about it anymore, it just is. I assume he loves me… I don’t think he doesn’t mean it… it just comes out as easily as “hello” or “goodbye” at this point so it never feels special or meaningful. If that makes any sense….. (And I’m too much of an idealistic romantic… I probably expect too much…)
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I hear ya’. The funny thing is, even though I had this wall built up I was a hopeless romantic at heart. I was just so protective of getting crushed I wouldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable. It was an odd dichotomy…but I’m an odd bird, soooo….
😃
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I should have been more protective of myself! I got crushed quite a few times… (And I still have thoughts that I should have waited for a “hopeless romantic” but I’d probably still be waiting… And would have no kids…etc…)
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I hear ya. I learned not to trust at fairly young age, not just from women…although a coue of them did it too. I never liked the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eventually, I gave in to it with my wife. It opened up a whole new world, one I didn’t think was possible.
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That’s wonderful! I’m glad you were able to give in! My situation is just… ugh… depressing… and it’s not like I can fix it by myself. I just have to accept it and make believe I have something great by writing it in my fiction. I was led to believe, my entire life, that such great romance and fairy-tale-ish stuff was just that… a fairy tale… and it doesn’t exist in real life. That’s what I learned when I was much younger… so I didn’t really look for it or wait for it because I “knew” it was never coming. Just like looking for a unicorn.
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Well, not to pile on or anything, but it’s possible. We have a great relationship. Is it perfect? Of course not. Fairy tale? Not really. Abundant love? Absolutely. It’s possible. I never thought it was either.
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Right… but it’s not possible for me to “work on us” by myself… he need to participate, and I’ve only been able to encourage that in him a tiny bit… Obviously, I do love him and love my children immensely… not like I’m going anywhere! Okay, TMI about my crap! 🙂
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I’m sorry. I’ve been rambling about it too. I hope things get better in this department. 😊
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It’s okay… I can rarely shut up. 😀
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Me either…here. It’s so weird, in my “real” life, that’s not me at all, unless I know you really well. Anonymous courage. 😃
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Yes, definitely! I am far more outgoing here than anywhere else. And needless to say, I have posted a LOT of things here that I wouldn’t want several people to read — starting with my husband! (By the way, I am feeling much better right now than I was this afternoon. Thanks for “talking” to me.)
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I know exactly what you mean, although my wife knows about this and has access to it if she wants. Though I don’t think she pays it much mind. It’s strange, isn’t it? Anyway, no worries, man. Always happy to be an ear and a chat. My pleasure. ☺️
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My husband knows I have a blog but he doesn’t know anything else about it… not even what it’s called or where it is…
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I’m beginning to see what you’re talkin’ about, a bit. He’s not curious?
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I’ve asked him just that — Have you looked for it? Do you want to read it? Are you curious at all? He said No on all counts. Even before blogging, I’ve asked him to read little pieces of my fiction for years… he doesn’t do that either. Maybe he wants me to have ‘my own thing’? I don’t know because I’m curious as hell!
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Hmmm. That’s interesting. He doesn’t read any of your writing? Have you asked him why? I get letting you have your own thing, but not ignoring it altogether.
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Well, he’s not much of a reader beyond “nerd” websites (as I call them) and comic books. So he reads on his phone… and the comic books. What I write is, obviously, romance… not his thing. (And sex, which should be everybody’s thing…lol). He’s not aware of how detailed some of the sex parts are…(because he might read those if he knew…) But he is a very visual person, as he’s says…he’d rather watch it than read it. He should rather DO it than any of those. I don’t think he thinks of it as “something his wife wrote”… just as something he doesn’t read. I would like him to read and use my writing as an instruction manual. Hahahaha! 😀 Honestly, at this point, knowing he doesn’t read it gives me more freedom…especially when I draw from real life… some parts of my fiction are kind of non-fiction…
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I hear ya. That measure of “freedom” likely allows you to flow. Seems odd though, that level of disinterest. I like to have my own things, but if my wife was completely uninterested in what I like to do I’d be a bothered I think. Hope this changes at some point. 😊
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It does kind of bother me… Not as much as it used to. And since I’ve been blogging, I’ve met a ton of other writers whose spouses don’t read their work either…so I don’t think it’s unusual. He does show interest in some other stuff I do…just not the writing…
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Good! I’m glad to hear that. 😊
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Besides, I’m shy. I know that sounds ridiculous considering my online personality… but I think having him (or anyone in my offline life) read my work would make me somewhat uncomfortable every time I saw that person! Not because I think I’m no good… I’m not really sure why… maybe because I feel like everything I write is so personal… and it’s easier to share with people who don’t see me in the flesh…
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Oh, I totally get that! My wife is the only person in my real life that knows I do this. It’s like a sanctuary for the anti-social masses! 😃
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😀 Plus, I can be kind of a flirt sometimes… I have no idea how mu husband would react to that. Not that he hasn’t seen it in person… but not since we’ve been married!
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Haha! I’m guessing everybody has a bit of that in em. I just don’t get flirted with. My wife claims I do, and that I’m oblivious to it. But I just don’t notice. Oh well. 😃
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Hahaha… I think my husband has been flirted with… And he thought I was nuts… so he was oblivious, too. Oh, and here… Well, sometimes I’m pretty “bad” but I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable… so I’m pretty cautious about what I say to whom. Sometimes I “rein it in,” so to speak… 😀 I think I’m the “worst” with those who started it with me… (I sound like a child… ‘Hey you started it!’)
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Nothin wrong with that. After all, they started it. Nana nana boo boo! 😜
I remember this one time, this girl that I worked with was leaving for a different position. She gave me this card that said something about working with you is better than 100 good hair days or something. I didn’t think much of it, thought she was just being nice and we were pretty good but. My wife still brings it up every now and then, and that was 17 years ago. I was oblivious to the fact that she was or was not flirting. But my wife swears that no woman would buy a $5 Hallmark card for a man if she weren’t. My wife even somewhat confronted her about it if you can believe that.
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John used to have a good friend at work who happened to be female… and I used to tease him about it all the time… I called her his “girlfriend.” She doesn’t work there anymore… but sometimes, when I’m annoyed because he’s not being very uhmm.. attentive… I ask him if it’s because he’s just tired from being with his “girlfriend.” I am mean!
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Oh man, that’s very passive-aggressive of you! 😃
But, inattention would make anyone grumpy. 😜
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So true Sandra, I can relate very much to what you wrote. All of us want to feel special, that we matter and that our words impact others in a deep and positive way. And yours definitely do. xo
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Thank you ♥
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I consider myself to be a kind person without sounding egotistical. It would be nice if more people would be. We live in a world where that sort of thing is needed more than ever.
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I agree! We need this!
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You are a beautiful person! I see it almost everyday in the words you write, your wonderful sense of humor and the love that shines through when you talk about your children…
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What do you mean “almost” every day? Hahaha… I’m kidding! You’re very sweet… thank you so much. 🙂
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See, there’s that humor that I love!! I’m sure I meant that you don’t post everyday …or I don’t read your posts everyday!
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😀 I’m just being silly. One step closer to completely cracking. I hope they’re getting my padded cell ready….
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Maybe we can be neighbors!
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Works for me! A padded cell actually sounds quite peaceful and relaxing. I’ll go willingly.
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I’m always happy for some alone time, lol
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Very honest post. We really do need to hear those words, and to say those words when we mean them. And then the other side of that coin is that when we let others know we need those words, when they come after, we question their sincerity! They need to be spontaneous and heartfelt or else they are empty and meaningless! I think giving kindness and love does come back to you, though. So keep giving, it’ll return in unexpected ways! And I’d miss you if you disappeared. And I’d come looking for you! 🙂
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Oh, that is so very true — I have huge doubts when someone says or does something after I’ve asked or hinted or simply brought it up. I “know” at that point, it only happened because I mentioned it… and it feels meaningless. Also, now I am scared to ever disappear. 😛 But don’t worry… I’m not going anywhere… that I’m aware of!
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Also, Radiohead will play all day in my head, now! Lol! Thanks for that!
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You’re welcome. 🙂 “Creep” is one of the best songs of all time… to me anyway.
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I think so too! I heard somewhere that it was a throwaway track. And that the heavy guitar riff was added in later as a joke, can you believe that? They opened for REM one tour, so we got to see them – very weird, live… 😀
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They are very weird… I read once that Thom Yorke was annoyed that “Creep” was so much more popular/mainstream-ish than all their other songs… so he never wanted to perform it again. Wanker.
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You should be made to feel beautiful. And those words should be uttered to you often to make you feel that way.
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That would be wonderful. Ironically, the times I have heard it, it didn’t come from the man I married… He compliments me sometimes, but not with that word. To be fair, it’s really not a word he uses ever. He has said it once to me… a long time ago… the day we got married.
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So, he did utter it once. Shame. He should use it more often. He needs to admire your hair more or peer into your eyes.
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Hahaha! Yeah… plus all those new bras I got. Really, now, what is wrong with him?? 😀
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Yeah
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This is so true, Sandra. Loved reading your words…and I love this song too and Radiohead as well:) ❤
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Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughts! This song is definitely in my top 10 favorite songs ever! Of course, that list probably has way more than 10… 😀
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First of all , yes You Are Special (and I believe I’ve told you that before 😉 )
Second : thanks for the song , it’s one of mine too 🙂
Third : liked your post
Fourth : don’t go missing so just we go looking for you and beg you to come back 😉
Turtle Hugs
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Hahaha… I’m not going anywhere. I will be here for you to admire my writing… hahaha 😀 And by the way, sometimes when I do hear that (“I miss you”) it’s from someone who is away… not because I am away! 🙂
And thank you!! 🙂
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Hi! lovely to meet you. I found you through Paul’s Especially epic award for epic awesomeness x Congrats on your award
Love what you have to write. It resonates with my own. Be kind and open. ❤
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Thanks so much! Nice to meet you, too… 🙂
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