invisible.

Posted on 11 February 2016 by what sandra thinks

My dears… read it while you can. I may freak out at any moment and remove this. It was a hard one to post. But I thought I’d try bravery… or whatever the hell this is.  

invisible.

I know you can see me standing
Right here waiting and hoping
For you to notice me
See that I’m in pain
Feeling cold and
Invisible

My dreams were made of emotions
Passionate, sweet love I wished
Would overtake my heart
And swallow me whole
But those dreams have
Disappeared

You broke them and cast them aside
Never to be realized
Maybe I’m not worthy
Of a love so deep
Of love that feels
Beautiful

You told me you would be careful
Not to break my fragile heart
Do you still care about
Me or even you?
I fear I’ve been
Forgotten

I don’t believe you understand
What this is doing to me
My explanations fall
Always on deaf ears
Yet I still try
Pointlessly

I know our promises were made
A long time ago and I
Really do still love you
But I need more than
Your love given
Passively

Maybe you don’t bother because
You know I’m here forever
I’d sooner sacrifice
My own happiness
Than break our home
Selfishly

It frightens me when I think of
Looking for love somewhere else
I could not do it but
At times I want to
And that scares me
Terribly

And now when I stand unnoticed
It takes just moments for me
To turn and walk away
Now you know, too, how
It feels to be
Invisible

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I brought myself to tears. Sorry if I did the same to you…
©2016 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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74 Responses to invisible.

  1. T. Wayne says:
    11 February 2016 at 5:29 pm

    Whoa. That was brave. I felt it. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. missameliaandsir says:
    11 February 2016 at 5:48 pm

    Please don’t take this INCREDIBLE piece of poetry away. It is raw, emotional, tortured and absolutely beautiful. Your tears will speak to someone else’s heart, and you just might help show them the light they had been looking for. Simply Stunning!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. thelonelyauthorblog says:
    11 February 2016 at 5:56 pm

    Bravo. So, happy you had the courage to hit the publish button. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Meritings says:
    11 February 2016 at 6:01 pm

    Well done you! Lift your chin up high and smile. Sending you a virtual hug!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Eric says:
    11 February 2016 at 6:04 pm

    Making yourself vulnerable… and then sharing is a huge act of courage. Always take the chance. ALWAYS refuse to build walls of pain and then live safely within them. You make yourself open to rejection… which hurts when it happens; but you also open yourself to greater intimacy – shared intimacy. Way to go.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. theturtle says:
    11 February 2016 at 6:17 pm

    Very beautiful and yet so so sad 😦
    But they say good poetry comes from deep , real , raw feelings 😉
    Hope you don’t take it down , and find courage to write more ??
    Turtle Hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Kay says:
    11 February 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Raw, poignant, vulnerable….and I feel honored to have read it. Thank you for sharing of yourself so deeply. 💜 Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Kay says:
    11 February 2016 at 6:46 pm

    I think so, too! I know that feeling. But I can honestly say, after that feeling subsides, I always find I’ve delved deeper into a place I NEEDED to go, and I learn something I was destined to learn about myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. gigglingfattie says:
    11 February 2016 at 8:55 pm

    I am so glad you stuck with poetry, this piece is heartbreaking but it’s real and beautiful as well. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way but know that I see you (not literally of course), and that you’re not invisible to so many people!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. thesarahdoughty says:
    11 February 2016 at 9:32 pm

    This is really powerful. Never be ashamed of bearing your soul in words.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. Dr Meg Sorick says:
    11 February 2016 at 10:58 pm

    Seeing this 5 hours after you posted. I hope that means you’re leaving it here. That took a lot of courage. You might want to think about sharing this with the person who most needs to read it. Maybe not right now, but maybe soon. You never know how those words might reach the heart. I want you to be ok, sweetie. My door is always open, too. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • what sandra thinks says:
      11 February 2016 at 11:17 pm

      Thank you SO much, Meg. I was expecting someone (everyone?) to suggest sharing this with him… and I didn’t think it would be five hours later! Believe me, I thought about it… I am still thinking about it.

      I do not mean to imply in any way that he’s a horrible guy because he’s not. But he is quick to dismiss anything he deems too sappy or emotional (and I cannot think of the right word! stupid brain!). He’ll think I’m being overly dramatic, blowing things out of proportion, or that everything’s fine and I’m just in a mood.

      Of course, I cannot definitively know this… but we have been together for a very very long time. It kind of feels like I do know exactly how it will go. So it feels kind of pointless.

      Thank you again for what you said… and for being so supportive. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Dr Meg Sorick says:
        11 February 2016 at 11:26 pm

        Maybe poetry isn’t the way to reach him, then. But the emotions behind it, that needs to get through somehow. He needs to know how he makes you feel. To really listen to you. Don’t give up. You love him – where there is love, there is hope!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • what sandra thinks says:
          11 February 2016 at 11:44 pm

          Yeah, he is definitely not a poetry kind of person… which is messed up since he writes songs! (Not so much recently… but still!) Of course, (stanza 5) God knows I’ve tried other ways and, well, you can see where that’s gotten me. Even if I think I might be getting through to him, it doesn’t last. It’s like telling the kids to stop fighting — they’ll stop… but an hour or two later, they’re back at it!

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          • Dr Meg Sorick says:
            12 February 2016 at 8:30 am

            Be honest. Tell him exactly that: that it seems like he’s getting it and then things go back to the way they were. But do so in the most calm way possible. If I get all worked up, my husband stops listening to me, too. Then it becomes more about trying to calm me down than actually solving whatever’s wrong. It will be difficult but if you guys can talk calmly and reasonably, you’ll have a much better chance of actually getting somehwere!

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            • what sandra thinks says:
              12 February 2016 at 8:56 am

              I’m sure I will try (again) but I’m not sure when. This is really bothering me right now. I honestly don’t know why. But every time I start thinking about what I can do, I cry… I think because I’ve already done it… And, well, here we are. Every few weeks or months, I try again…I tell him sometimes it gets better for a few days, at best, after we talk, but then it goes right back. I know he’s tired of me bringing it up, but it never gets “fixed.”

              Also, I still feel like this whole post was a huge mistake because at least half of the people I usually communicate with here have bailed. I probably scared them all away with my whiny crap… and that only makes everything feel worse. 😦

              Liked by 1 person

              Reply
              • Dr Meg Sorick says:
                12 February 2016 at 9:19 am

                Oh no way. Well screw that. Real friends take the good with the bad. If your pain makes people uncomfortable then you don’t need them in your life anyway.

                Is there extra pressure because of Valentine’s Day? You and I follow a couple of really romantic dudes on WP. I know they make my husband look bad! 🙂 And winter. Ugh, it makes everything worse.

                Liked by 1 person

                Reply
                • what sandra thinks says:
                  12 February 2016 at 9:30 am

                  I don’t know if it has anything to do with “VD”… I guess that’s possible but I haven’t done anything special for the occasion in years…

                  My husband has always looked bad in the romance department… so that’s not new. Unfortunately. 😕

                  And the rest of it…well, it kills me because I don’t have friends or anyone to talk to offline…But I don’t want to scare away the ones I have online. It’s kind of my only support network right now… and I really don’t want to lose it. It Ughhhh! This is why shit builds up — I have nowhere to put it!

                  Liked by 1 person

                  Reply
  12. The V-Pub says:
    12 February 2016 at 9:23 am

    Nope. Not scaring me away. This WAS brave of you to post. I think that many couples have the same issues, one originating in complacency.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  13. The V-Pub says:
    12 February 2016 at 11:57 am

    Wow, those are columns. If I continued in the original reply, it would eventually look like that poster at the optometrist!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. Michelle Malone says:
    14 February 2016 at 11:04 am

    You are brave indeed! So many of us feel this way, but we’re tethered to that vow — Til death do us part. I wish I had the answer to the inherent questions in this beautifully-written piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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