My dears… read it while you can. I may freak out at any moment and remove this. It was a hard one to post. But I thought I’d try bravery… or whatever the hell this is.
I know you can see me standing
Right here waiting and hoping
For you to notice me
See that I’m in pain
Feeling cold and
Invisible
My dreams were made of emotions
Passionate, sweet love I wished
Would overtake my heart
And swallow me whole
But those dreams have
Disappeared
You broke them and cast them aside
Never to be realized
Maybe I’m not worthy
Of a love so deep
Of love that feels
Beautiful
You told me you would be careful
Not to break my fragile heart
Do you still care about
Me or even you?
I fear I’ve been
Forgotten
I don’t believe you understand
What this is doing to me
My explanations fall
Always on deaf ears
Yet I still try
Pointlessly
I know our promises were made
A long time ago and I
Really do still love you
But I need more than
Your love given
Passively
Maybe you don’t bother because
You know I’m here forever
I’d sooner sacrifice
My own happiness
Than break our home
Selfishly
It frightens me when I think of
Looking for love somewhere else
I could not do it but
At times I want to
And that scares me
Terribly
And now when I stand unnoticed
It takes just moments for me
To turn and walk away
Now you know, too, how
It feels to be
Invisible
Whoa. That was brave. I felt it. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you. I do feel kind of sick now though…
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I won’t like that you feel kind of sick…so sorry to hear that. 😦
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It’s okay… I kind of knew that was going to happen.
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Please don’t take this INCREDIBLE piece of poetry away. It is raw, emotional, tortured and absolutely beautiful. Your tears will speak to someone else’s heart, and you just might help show them the light they had been looking for. Simply Stunning!
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Except for how there’s no light here…
But thank you. xo
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Yes Ma’am, there is. If there wasn’t, you wouldn’t have been able to shine it on this wonderful work. You are reaching out and expressing, so there is definitely light. I’m here if you need to talk. You should have my email. Use it. 🙂
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Thank you… and I hope you don’t regret that invitation later… 🙂
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I won’t. 🙂
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Bravo. So, happy you had the courage to hit the publish button. Well done.
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Thank you, my friend. But you know, there’s still time for me to freak out. Or throw up.
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Hahahaha
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Ahh, see…? Still making ’em laugh. It’s a curse… 😉
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LOL I think it is a curse.
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Well, as previously determined, I have several of those…!
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I know. You could almost change the blog’s name to “what curses sandra has”
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Cute. Also, 😛
Maybe not THAT many… (And I will finish the poem I started… the cursed one!)
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Anxious to read it. How is it that you ping a person. I know you know how to do it.
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Yes – I know how to do lots of things. If you link to someone’s post, it will happen automatically. But for reasons I do not understand, it doesn’t work when you link to the main blog URL… it has to be a specific post’s URL. If you need more detail, let me know!
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Ok I will try it one day. Thanks. The other day when I mentioned you in my post I didn’t know how to ping you.
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Wow, that sounds dirty. I’m glad I could, um, educate you in the act of pinging.
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Educate is the correct word my dear. Chimp is not offeneded. Ping does sound a tad dirty. Well, unless it is followed by pong.
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Well done you! Lift your chin up high and smile. Sending you a virtual hug!
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Thank you so much for reading.
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Making yourself vulnerable… and then sharing is a huge act of courage. Always take the chance. ALWAYS refuse to build walls of pain and then live safely within them. You make yourself open to rejection… which hurts when it happens; but you also open yourself to greater intimacy – shared intimacy. Way to go.
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Thank you. Unfortunately it won’t be read except by people here… and myself… but thank you again.
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Very beautiful and yet so so sad 😦
But they say good poetry comes from deep , real , raw feelings 😉
Hope you don’t take it down , and find courage to write more ??
Turtle Hugs ❤
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Oh… there will always be more. Happy.sad, real or fiction… there’s always more. xo♥
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Raw, poignant, vulnerable….and I feel honored to have read it. Thank you for sharing of yourself so deeply. 💜 Hugs
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Thank you, Kay. I think I needed to share this. But I still might puke!
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I think so, too! I know that feeling. But I can honestly say, after that feeling subsides, I always find I’ve delved deeper into a place I NEEDED to go, and I learn something I was destined to learn about myself.
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Maybe. It kind of feels good and bad at the same time. But not so they cancel each other out. Maybe that’s why I feel like I have motion sickness…. it’s literally in my head!
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I can understand that! Hugs to you.💜
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I am so glad you stuck with poetry, this piece is heartbreaking but it’s real and beautiful as well. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way but know that I see you (not literally of course), and that you’re not invisible to so many people!
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Thank you so much. All these wonderful people here keep making me cry! Thanks for your wonderful thoughts.
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This is really powerful. Never be ashamed of bearing your soul in words.
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Thank you so much for saying that… because embarrassed is definitely a word that came to mind when I was freaking out about posting this!
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Don’t be embarrassed. Feel empowered that you had the courage to post it.
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Seeing this 5 hours after you posted. I hope that means you’re leaving it here. That took a lot of courage. You might want to think about sharing this with the person who most needs to read it. Maybe not right now, but maybe soon. You never know how those words might reach the heart. I want you to be ok, sweetie. My door is always open, too. ❤️
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Thank you SO much, Meg. I was expecting someone (everyone?) to suggest sharing this with him… and I didn’t think it would be five hours later! Believe me, I thought about it… I am still thinking about it.
I do not mean to imply in any way that he’s a horrible guy because he’s not. But he is quick to dismiss anything he deems too sappy or emotional (and I cannot think of the right word! stupid brain!). He’ll think I’m being overly dramatic, blowing things out of proportion, or that everything’s fine and I’m just in a mood.
Of course, I cannot definitively know this… but we have been together for a very very long time. It kind of feels like I do know exactly how it will go. So it feels kind of pointless.
Thank you again for what you said… and for being so supportive. ♥
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Maybe poetry isn’t the way to reach him, then. But the emotions behind it, that needs to get through somehow. He needs to know how he makes you feel. To really listen to you. Don’t give up. You love him – where there is love, there is hope!
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Yeah, he is definitely not a poetry kind of person… which is messed up since he writes songs! (Not so much recently… but still!) Of course, (stanza 5) God knows I’ve tried other ways and, well, you can see where that’s gotten me. Even if I think I might be getting through to him, it doesn’t last. It’s like telling the kids to stop fighting — they’ll stop… but an hour or two later, they’re back at it!
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Be honest. Tell him exactly that: that it seems like he’s getting it and then things go back to the way they were. But do so in the most calm way possible. If I get all worked up, my husband stops listening to me, too. Then it becomes more about trying to calm me down than actually solving whatever’s wrong. It will be difficult but if you guys can talk calmly and reasonably, you’ll have a much better chance of actually getting somehwere!
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I’m sure I will try (again) but I’m not sure when. This is really bothering me right now. I honestly don’t know why. But every time I start thinking about what I can do, I cry… I think because I’ve already done it… And, well, here we are. Every few weeks or months, I try again…I tell him sometimes it gets better for a few days, at best, after we talk, but then it goes right back. I know he’s tired of me bringing it up, but it never gets “fixed.”
Also, I still feel like this whole post was a huge mistake because at least half of the people I usually communicate with here have bailed. I probably scared them all away with my whiny crap… and that only makes everything feel worse. 😦
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Oh no way. Well screw that. Real friends take the good with the bad. If your pain makes people uncomfortable then you don’t need them in your life anyway.
Is there extra pressure because of Valentine’s Day? You and I follow a couple of really romantic dudes on WP. I know they make my husband look bad! 🙂 And winter. Ugh, it makes everything worse.
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I don’t know if it has anything to do with “VD”… I guess that’s possible but I haven’t done anything special for the occasion in years…
My husband has always looked bad in the romance department… so that’s not new. Unfortunately. 😕
And the rest of it…well, it kills me because I don’t have friends or anyone to talk to offline…But I don’t want to scare away the ones I have online. It’s kind of my only support network right now… and I really don’t want to lose it. It Ughhhh! This is why shit builds up — I have nowhere to put it!
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Well, you can count on this lady as your friend! If you want to talk privately, you can email me: drmegsorick@gmail.com I wish we lived closer! We could do lunch!
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I think that lunch would turn into one of the rare occasions when I would drink. 🙂
Thank you again… x20 since I feel like I can’t thank you enough. And you can use my email, too… anytime. whatsandrathinks@gmail.com
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Nope. Not scaring me away. This WAS brave of you to post. I think that many couples have the same issues, one originating in complacency.
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I agree! Taking one another for granted!
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It is super brave to scare the crap out of everyone.
Hey, thanks for being such a good friend. We haven’t known each other long but, then again, we didn’t have to since we are clearly sharing some parts of a single brain. (Single brain cell?)
Maybe I should have run of off with the drummer instead. 🙂 (see…I still smile and make lame jokes…)
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Drummers are evil. Well, maybe not evil, since my bestie is a drummer, but they’re not nearly has hot as bass players. I feel the same way, new friends, but there’s a familiarity between us. 🙂 I’m sure it will be a long friendship.
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I consider it an accomplishment to go after the bass player… I used to struggle to get past the lead singer. Because… deep voice.
Oh…except for when I was much much younger… Skipped right over the singer because I couldn’t resist the hot bass player named John Taylor. From Duran Duran.
I think I need to admit I have a problem. Are there meetings for this sort of addiction?
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haha! I’ll have to change the name of my blog from the V-Pub to the 4 String Cafe! 😀
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Yeah. I’m definitely going to need 12 steps of something.
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Like a 12 step blues progression? 😉
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🙂
Honestly? My mind went somewhere much dirtier.
Also… I would have replied sooner but I had to bake a cake. Not a euphemism… an actual cake. And not for Valentine’s… for my son’s postponed “The Flash” birthday party.
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Ah, now what about that place where your mind went? I’ll put my bass down and listen. 😀
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My mind doesn’t have to travel far. Or at all, usually.
God, I think I have another problem. Musicians, dirty mind, the list goes on…
And I think that’s a topic for a whole separate post… the list… and where my mind went… 😛
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Well, don’t let us wait too long for that post. I’m sure that it will be popular. 😀
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Oh yes…my two most popular post topics: I hate my life and sex. Wow, that’s fucking weird! Pun intended.
By the way….later I will frost the cake….
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And bass players. That’s 3. 😀
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I think I was lumping that in with ‘musicians’ but I guess that would be a huge mistake.
(and please start a fresh reply unless you want me to shut the hell up. 🙂 I’m not enjoying reading words in columns… hahaha… I would do it [the new reply, perv], but you won’t get alerted that I haven’t shut up yet… )
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Wow, those are columns. If I continued in the original reply, it would eventually look like that poster at the optometrist!
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Hey, thanks for this. If I spent too much time sitting around thinking today, I’d be a mess. Last night, my daughter told me I looked like I’d been crying. I lied and told her my contacts were bothering me. I’m sure she didn’t buy it.
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Well, then my yapping is serving a good purpose!
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Yes… I need constant entertainment. I mean supervision.
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😀 Well, I can’t say I’m entertaining, but I can yap with the best of them.
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But I can say you’re entertaining. 😛 Probably totally unsuitable for supervision, though.
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Haha! I agree with the part about supervision. 🙂
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Somehow, I knew I was right about that. 🙂
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You are brave indeed! So many of us feel this way, but we’re tethered to that vow — Til death do us part. I wish I had the answer to the inherent questions in this beautifully-written piece.
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Thank you, Michelle! I truly appreciate the support and kindness I’ve found here. Sometimes I feel alone, but it’s nice to know I’m not.
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Nope…never alone.
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