I wrote this as a short narrative when I was about 17 years old. I found it in an old notebook a few months ago when I hit the jackpot in my basement. I played around with it a few different ways but finally landed at this ‘conversation‘ version…
Stop.
. . . . . . . You don’t want me to stop.
I’m can’t do this again.
. . . . . . . We’ve never done it before.
But I have… and…
. . . . . . . No, you haven’t. Not with me.
I don’t like you that way.
. . . . . . . Yes, you do.
It doesn’t matter.
. . . . . . . It matters.
No. It doesn’t. It can’t.
. . . . . . . Yes, it can. And it does.
Let me go…
. . . . . . . You don’t want me to let you go.
I do… because it’s inevitable.
. . . . . . . Yes it is – we will be together.
No. The pain is inevitable.
. . . . . . . I won’t hurt you.
Everyone does eventually.
. . . . . . . Not me.
You won’t mean to but you will.
. . . . . . . Never. Trust me.
I can’t. I’m scared.
. . . . . . . I promise you can trust me.
But I trusted him and…
. . . . . . . He is not me.
He hurt me.
. . . . . . . He didn’t deserve you.
Maybe I didn’t deserve him.
. . . . . . . You didn’t. You deserve better.
That’s not what I meant.
. . . . . . . But that’s what I mean.
Are you going to let me go?
. . . . . . . No, I’m not.
But I’m broken.
. . . . . . . Not broken. Beautiful.
You never told me before.
. . . . . . . I was afraid to be your rebound.
You’re not… you’re something else.
. . . . . . . See? You do like me that way.
I didn’t say that.
. . . . . . . But I know it’s what you meant.
You have to stop kissing me.
. . . . . . . You don’t want me to stop. And I don’t think I can.
You have to let me…
. . . . . . . You kiss me like you never want to stop.
… let me think…
. . . . . . . Sometimes you think too much.
I’m trying to protect myself.
. . . . . . . I will protect you.
Why are you doing this?
. . . . . . . Because I love you.
You can’t love me.
. . . . . . . Too bad. I do.
Stop laughing.
. . . . . . . I can’t help it.
Stop making me laugh.
. . . . . . . No. I make you happy.
How do you know I’m happy?
. . . . . . . Oh, honey, I can feel it.
What do you feel?
. . . . . . . When you smile, it feels like heaven.
What if you can’t see me smile?
. . . . . . . It doesn’t matter – I still feel it.
What if I cry?
. . . . . . . When you hurt, there’s a knife in my heart.
And you’re always here for me…
. . . . . . . I know when you need me.
That seems impossible.
. . . . . . . I know when you want me, too.
I’m not even sure I know that.
. . . . . . . Yes, you do.
Stop smiling at me.
. . . . . . . Why? You make me happy.
Because when you smile, I can’t stop smiling.
. . . . . . . Then don’t stop.
I think I want another kiss.
. . . . . . . I think you can have all you want.
What if I want you to stay with me?
. . . . . . . I’m not going anywhere…
I think that might be okay.
. . . . . . . You think? Maybe? Okay?
Stop laughing.
. . . . . . . I think you know it will be perfect.
Maybe.
. . . . . . . Definitely.
I think you’re impossible.
. . . . . . . And you love me.
And you love me.
. . . . . . . Yes, I do.
Are you going to kiss me again?
. . . . . . . I’m never going to stop.
. . . . . . 
what sandra thinks 
Wow! Great old notebook find! At first, I was afraid this was about being forced by this guy. But I was relieved when things turned sweet! You’ve had some nice guys in your life lucky girl. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was worried that would be the first thought… but I couldn’t bring myself to change the “stop” that kept showing up. It worked for me.
Oh, and when I wrote the original back then, it was fiction. It was around the time just after my first serous boyfriend took off without explanation. I was looking for the guy I made up in this story. (Some of the otherin that notebook near this was very sad and a little bit angry!)
But I have had some very nice guys in my life. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It makes for compelling writing though! You don’t want to “stop” reading! And of course alls well that ends well! My old notebooks are filled with angsty poetry – my Jim Morrison phase – and aside from 3 or 4 of them, they are totally cringe-worthy! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Believe me… some of what I found was a bit painful to read! I’m thinking I won’t be sharing any of those parts… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amazing! Your writing always gets to me in such an emotional way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Epically Awesome Award – Worldly Words
An amazing write for a 17 year old.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It wasn’t quite like this when I wrote it back then… it was more of a wish to find this person… not in a very poetic form. And a lot more angst-y. 🙂
Oh wait, do you mean this post would be amazing if I were 17 right now? 😛 I’m kidding. Sorry, couldn’t resist. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL You are as bad as the chimp. LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I’m going to go ahead and take that as a compliment. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, please do. You make the chimp laugh so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is one of my many goals. Making people laugh…. never thought much about making primates laugh, but that’s good, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re a very talented lady. Very funny too
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved this and to think the basis of it was penned as a teen – fantastic! It seemed a little clandestine to begin but was lovely to have such an affectionate ending 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I’m happy you liked it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was amazing – that too for a 17 year old! Very well written! Love it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 🙂 I’m glad you liked it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You mean…there’s loads more ? Get to work girl 😉
We would love to read more , no matter if you leave them “pure- teenage..ish” or if you “arrange” them like you did here 🙂
Turtle Hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh… yes… there is more. I will have to review again. The bins are still in my bedroom, partially sticking out from under the bed, threatening to trip me daily. Perhaps I should post the page of boys names and numbers. 😉 Hahaha… 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautiful, Sandra! I love finding old poetry. It’s like going back and reliving those experiences once again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your sincere and not at all involuntary comment. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
From my heart, Sandra! I loved it, even though you may have caused Coldplay to break up. I found some lyrics that I wrote when I was in my late teens, early twenties. I’m contemplating if I should ever share. They’re not nearly as deep as yours. (and no, I’m not pandering. 😉 )
LikeLiked by 1 person
How could you?!?! I swear I had nothing to do with the Coldplay thing. Unless… maybe Chris got jealous when I snuck away with Guy. But what the hell? Guy is so hot! How could I be expected not to follow him into any dark corner on earth? Tell Chris I’ll pick him next time if he keeps the band together!!
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
It WAS you! I knew it! You and Guy doing duets with those songs that you wouldn’t post here. Call my psychic. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well… he is a bass player… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know, I’ve read a post today about bass players and I’m feeling pretty good right now. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dare I ask why?
LikeLike
Let me find it…
LikeLike
Here. She has a great blog!
https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/my-editor/https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/my-editor/
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suppose I ran off with the bass player… since i married one… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bass players rock! The lead guitarists are all show and no go. So there! You made a great choice. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
And by the way, this next comment didn’t go to spam at all… so my blog knows you’re better than canned meat.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol! Well, it may think I’m tuna and not spam. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is that what I smell? 😛
LikeLike
WOW!! Simply mesmerising!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now, this sounds like some delicious goings-on happening in the younger ladies life 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Those were the days!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good one
LikeLike